Hold Me Gently, Always Catch Me
by Shinigami Akumu
Summary: Yuki is always leaving Shuichi broken, whether he really means to or not. Now it's up to Ryuichi to make him shine. RxS
1. Chapter 1

My first time writing Gravi fanfiction, though I've loved the series for a long time. Hope you guys enjoy the story, so read and review!

DISCLAIMER: I obviously don't own Gravitation** and wouldn't be wasting my time here if I did. For idiots like "black beauty", who DID waste my time the other day, this fic is rated M. That means, by even clicking on it, you hereby say "Yes, I can handle anything that could be contained under this rating." Because I will not sit here, wasting my time with this GIANT warning telling you of everything to watch out for/be aware of, thereby giving away some of my plot, nor listen to you whine. Do REAL books have giant warnings about every little thing? No. Don't like that? Then LEAVE. Now. For those who CAN handle it, read on!**

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Hold Me Gently, Always Catch Me

_Chapter One_

_SLAM!_

_How did this happen again?_ Shuichi turned and pounded on the door that lead to his-well, his lover's-apartment. "Yuuuuukiiiii! I'm sorry for whatever I did! I'll make it up to you! Let me back inside! Yuuukiiiii!" His cries went predictably unheard, and the singer finally gave up, sliding down to the cold, tiled floor of the hallway; his back to the door, and a pillow covering up his painful hard on.

Yes, once again, Yuki Eiri had thrown Shuichi out of the apartment stark naked and fully aroused, for some complicated reason the smaller man probably couldn't even begin to contemplate. Unable to will it away, Shuichi quietly finished himself off, while picturing his blonde lover, all the while trying not to get anything on Yuki's pillow.

Giving into instinct, he curled up and clutched said pillow tightly. If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost smell Yuki's cologne on it, and that scent put his right to sleep-Leaving the PMSing writer to haunt his slumber.

However, Shuichi's 'sweet' dreams were short-lived. Someone nudged him, and a deep, familiar voice called him from his sleep. "Shuichi…get up."

A smile spread over his face while his eyes remained closed. "Yuki…you do care about me…" He leaned forward to place a kiss somewhere on his lover's body, when something cold shoved its way past his parted lips. _Yuck! Yuki, what have you been eating?_ The singer's eyes fluttered open, his gaze falling upon the gun's silver barrel in his mouth, before taking in the daylight and crazy blonde American before him. "Kway?" Shuichi tried to mumble around the pistol.

"This is no time for questions! You're going to be late if we waste another second!" K grabbed the nude star of Bad Luck and dragged him outside to the van, easily ignoring the gasps of people around them. Shuichi clung desperately to the crimson pillow-his only form of cover. Once shoved inside, the gunman took off at high speeds, before tossing some clothing in the singer's lap. "That's the third time this month." He said seriously, before adding with a grin "So I was prepared this time!"

"T-Thanks, K."

"No problem!" He chirped in English. "Besides, it doesn't come out of _my_ salary!"

Shuichi blinked, and then sighed, before dressing himself carefully, glad for the darkly tinted windows, as the van sped on. _How did I make Yuki angry again? I've been so careful!_ The tears easily blurred his vision, and he looked up, determined to think of something else.

Luckily, K had that covered. "Hit Stage was so happy with you last time, that they're having you perform your new single today!" Bad Luck had actually been appearing on more music shows lately, instead of the variety kind. Being on TV was something that usually hyped Shuichi up and lifted his spirits, but not today.

"But…didn't Nittle Grasper just release _two_ new singles?" _There's no way they'd invite **us** over legends._

"That's right!" K beamed. "You'll be sharing the stage with your idol once again! But don't let that shake you. You can pull out something just as amazing as he can-you're just lacking in the proper motivation lately!" The blonde pulled out his favorite revolver. "If your lover can't handle it alone, I'll be glad to assist!" Then he took aim using the rearview mirror.

"Ahhh! I'm fine! I'm fine!"

K quirked a brow. "Really?"

"Really." Shuichi assured. The day had already started off badly, he didn't need to get shot on top of it.

When they had at last reached the TV station, Hiroshi and Suguru were already waiting over tea and coffee. K plopped the pink haired boy into a chair and grabbed the first person he could find-mainly Sakano-to make sure all was going according to plan, and that preparations were near completion.

"What's up, Shuichi?" Hiro greeted. "You look tired…did Yuki-san kick you out again?"

Shuichi simply stared at him, the nail obviously having been hit over the head. _Yuki…waaaah! I want my good morning kiss!_ He willed himself to switch topics. "We're the side dish for Nittle Grasper again, aren't we?"

Hiro thought about asking what was wrong, but Suguru, sending nothing strange about the question, and happy that Shuichi seemed to be taking work seriously for once, spoke up first. "We are, but like last time, that shouldn't mean anything if we give it our all."

_Give it our all…? I'm beat! Need…energy…_ Without a second thought, Shuichi grabbed Hiro's coffee and guzzled it down, before jumping up on the table and striking a chibi pose. "Let's rock!"

As K came back and announced that it was time for sound checks, Hiroshi decided to shrug it off. He was used to Shuichi's mood changes, though this was slightly peculiar. _Oh well. That's what happens when you fall in love with someone like Yuki-san, I guess._ He then swore to himself that he would never date anyone, man or woman, like Yuki Eiri. Then again, he knew love wasn't like that; it hits you unexpectedly and the hardest thing in the world is breaking away, even if you happen to realize that the person you love is actually killing you inside.

The trio that is Nittle Grasper stood and watched Bad Luck as the recording began. Usually, Ryuichi would be so excited to perform with, or even just watch his twin friend. Today, however, a serious look graced his handsome features. Tohma could feel something out of place with the cold stare his singer directed at the lead of Bad Luck. "It still doesn't reach." Is all the explanation he would offer to Tohma's questioning gaze. The blonde didn't see anything really wrong, but Ryuichi, being as extraordinary as he is, always seemed to have a sixth sense about these things-especially when to came to Shuichi.

As if conjoined at the brain, Shuichi could feel something slightly off in his idol's voice that day. Unable to place it, and not much wanting to ask about it, Shuichi made his way to the vending machines, deep in thought. _I'm sure Yuki will let me back in tonight. I'd call, but I don't have my cell phone! Yuki's lucky no one called the cops since I was sleeping out there naked!_

Suddenly, the lights went out, and no sooner than it had happened, Shuichi found his back pressed against the very machine he had just put money into. There was a beep, and a drink fell into the opening. Someone held onto his shoulders tightly.

"Don't kill me Yuuukiiii! Whatever it was, I didn't mean it!"

There was a soft sigh, made by a voice much lighter than that of the blonde writer's. "You're being such a boring old fart again, Shuichi."

The younger singer blinked in realization, as his eyes began to adjust to the darkness of the empty hall. "Sakuma-"

"Ryuichi!"

"R-Ryuichi-san…" _Did I do something…? Why is he so angry?_

There was another sigh, and his idol's warm breath tickled his neck. At last, piercing blue eyes met violet in the darkness. "What's wrong with you, Shuichi?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Don't you love singing, more than anything?"

Shuichi gaped at the brunette. "O-Of course I do!"

"…you don't show it anymore." And with that, the death grip on his shoulders was released, and Ryuichi turned his back to the other singer, walking away. He paused in his steps after a moment, as if to stop and say more, but disappeared into the darkness.

Shuichi stood there, frozen, for the longest time, until Hiro showed up and flicked the lights on. "Shuichi? What are you doing?"

"I…" Coming back to his senses, he reached down and grabbed his drink. "Dammit! He made me get the wrong one!"

_Boring? Old fart? Shuichi Shindou? I don't think so!_ And just to prove it, the crazy singer decided to go out drink with his buddy Hiro. He'd already had a few drinks too many, but it was strangely making him more serious instead of stupid. "Hey, Hiro…"

"What?"

"You know that I love singing, right?"

Hiro watched his best friend for a moment, trying to see where this was going. "Of course. If you didn't, you wouldn't be doing it."

"…Sakuma-san doesn't think so."

The brunette blinked. "Ryuichi Sakuma?"

Shuichi nodded. "Before you came, today…he was there."

"Oh, so _he_ turned out the lights. You're not cheating on Yuki-san, are you?"

"HIRO!" He knocked his friend over the head. "He said…that I must not love singing anymore."

"Well…you have been a little strange lately, but I wouldn't say that your love for singing has much to do with it."

"Really?"

"I'd place _my_ bets on Yuki Eiri."

"Y-Yuki?" Then he panicked. "Oh no! I forgot to call! It's late! He's going to be mad! Bye Hiro!" And with that, he ran off 'home'.

However, upon his return, Shuichi found-to his relief, or perhaps disappointment-that he wasn't missing much. Yuki must have just finished a deadline and was fast asleep, not worried about the singer in the least. Suddenly, Shuichi ran to the bathroom and threw up-whether it was from the beer or the crappy day, he wasn't sure. At least he didn't get any on Yuki's carpet. Plopping onto the couch, he fell asleep faster than he thought possible in these circumstances.

Shuichi was officially in a slump. It happened whenever he was on the outs with Yuki or Ryuichi-though having problems with both of them at the same time was new. He could still sing-just not well enough to do anything. It was when he was getting a drink of water that his idol appeared out of no where and glomped him.

"Shuichi!" When he received no answer, he grabbed the boy's hand and dragged him off. "Let's go someplace fun!"

"Um…"

They passed the shacho, and Ryuichi waved. "We're going now! Bye bye, Tohma!"

Shuichi managed a "Sorry, Seguchi-san!" as he was pulled off. Tohma simply blinked before continuing on his way.

"Let's go to your house, Shuichi!"

"Uh…I don't think Yuki would like that."

Ryuichi blinked. "Yuki? Yuki…Yuki…Yuki…" He made motions of falling snow with his hands. "Yuki?"

Shuichi shook his head. "My boyfriend."

"Ooooh! Not _that_ house!" The chibi frowned. "Shuichi's _real_ house! Let's play video games!"

Ryuichi's driver had a bit of a hard time finding the place, but got them there eventually. Ryuichi happily introduced himself to the other singer's family, at which point Maiko nearly fainted. It wasn't everyday that someone famous walked through the door; not counting Shuichi, since he would always just be her big brother.

"Shuichi needs to try harder, or Ryuichi and Kumagoro will always win!"

He blinked, coming out of his stupor-it's not everyday your God is sitting next to you, and versing you at your favorite game, no less.

With the help of snacks and drinks, the two ending up have a great time-Maiko cheering on Ryuichi and drooling all the while. Shuichi's mother even offered that they could stay the night in Shuichi's old room, since they came 'all that way'. Ryuichi eagerly accepted with "Yaaaay! Sleepover, na no da!" before Shuichi could even think about protesting.

Yuki glanced at the clock. _Where is that brat? He usually calls me a million times…he's probably getting drunk again._ If only he knew.

Ryuichi refused to let Shuichi out of his sight long enough for the younger singer to go make a phone call to his lover. _It won't hurt him to worry about you for once. _And as they laid side by side on their futons, a heavy silence fell over them. Shuichi was openly awake, while Ryuichi pretended to be asleep while in deep thought, as much as some people stupidly thought he was incapable of it.

"Hey, Shuichi…"

"Yeah?"

_Why do you like Yuki?_ "Thanks for letting me stay over."

"Oh, it's no problem. My family seems happy to have you…"

In a serious mood, but unable to voice his thoughts, Ryuichi did the only thing he could think of. "Tooku de me o hikarasete, mezameru monotachi matte iru…yoru jouheki sasowarete, utsurisumu mure no nukegara ni…" _From far away, let your eyes shine, those who have awakened are still waiting…seduce the ramparts of the night, in the cast-off pile of skins left by things that now live elsewhere..._

As he hoped, Shuichi followed his lead. "Deguchi no nai." _Without an exit._

And they began switching off and trying funny harmonies. "Shougeki ni taeru tsumori nara…" _If you intend to survive the impact…_

"Kuzureru hodo." _To the point where you fall apart._

"Itsuwari o misete…"_ Enrapture the deceits…_

"Umarekawareru anata yo hitori hohoemanaide hitomi o irodoru…" _You who have been reborn, color your eyes without smiling alone…_

"Nozonda sekai ga totsuzen hai ni natte mo kiseki ni mada meguriaeru…" _Even if the world you longed for has suddenly turned to ash, in some miracle, we could still crush past each other…_

"Sotto dakishimete, kowasu you ni." _Hold me gently, in order to break me._

"Muku na mama de sarasarete hanabira o chirasu hana no you ni…migaku houseki te no naka no hibi ni sae kizukihajimeteru…" _Be exposed to a state of purity, like a flower whose petals have fallen…you're just beginning to notice, the days are shining jewels cupped in your hand…_

"Tsumetai te ga." _A cold hand._

"Nukeochita toge o hiru kara…" _Gathers up the shed thorns, so…_

"Madoromu hi ga." _A banked flame._

"Kusuburitsuzukeru…" _Continues to smolder…_

"Ima mo todokanu hikari no yukue, azayaka ni mau omoi o egakou…" _Let's depict the vividly dancing thoughts, found in that place of light that is unreachable even now…_

"Michibiku kotoba ga koborete shimawanu you ni, utsuru toki o osorenaide…" _Don't fear the change of time, so that words of guidance won't completely spill out and flow away…_

"Deguchi mo naku, kuzureochiru."_And there's no way out, I'm falling further down._

"Umarekawari no anata yo, hitori hohoemanaide, hitomi o irodoru…" _You who have been reborn, color your eyes without smiling alone…_

"Nozonda sekai ga totsuzen hai ni natte mo kiseki ni mada meguriaeru…" _Even if the world you longed for has suddenly turned to ash, in some miracle, we could still crush past each other…_

"Todokanu hikari no yukue, azayaka ni mau omoi o egakou…" _Let's depict the vividly dancing thoughts, found in that place of light that is unreachable even now…_

"Michibiku kotoba ga koborete shimawanu you ni, utsuru toki o osorenaide…" _Don't fear the change of time, so that words of guidance won't completely spill out and flow away…_

And then, together: "Sotto dakishimete, zutto tsukamaete, motto kokoro made kowasu you ni." **_Hold me gently, always catch me, more and more, in order to break my heart._**

They ended up laughing at it all, and just as Ryuichi had hoped, through the song Shuichi had forgotten all his problems, because that's what singing does, if you love it enough.

"HEY YOU TWO IDIOTS-" Maiko stopped dead in the doorway, suddenly remembering that it was _Ryuichi Sakuma_ and Shuichi, not _Hiroshi_ and Shuichi. She pasted on her best smile. "Kidding! Keep it down, please? I'm about to enter the world of Yuki-san, and I require absolute silence." In her arms, she cradled not the book he had just finished the night before, but the one before that. It'd been on backorder for so long, and she had finally gotten her copy that morning. "And don't forget, you promised to get me a pair of his-"

And with all those simple words, she made it completely flood back to Shuichi's mind, and the older singer knew it. He jumped up, not caring who saw him in his boxers. "Okay! We're sorry for disturbing you, Maiko-chan! We'll be quiet! Thanks much, nite nite, na no da!" He waved and closed the door on her with a small sigh.

Maiko blinked at the closed door. "That was weird…" Then she realized it. _Oh mi'god! I saw Ryuichi Sakuma in his UNDERWEAR!_ She squealed and ran off to her room, determined to take pictures in the morning when they got up.

"I'm sorry, Shuichi…"

The younger singer blinked. "For what?"

Ryuichi crawled back into his futon on his side, his back to the other. "I only wanted…to help you forget."

And from there, no one spoke another word that night…but never before had Shuichi felt quite so close to his God.

The next morning, Maiko grabbed her camera and, finding her brother's door open and room empty, she rushed downstairs. "Where are they?"

"They had to leave early to go to work-I'm afraid you missed them."

"DAMMIT!" _Do you have any idea how much I could have sold that picture for!? And I could have made copies! Lots and **lots** of copies! UGH!_

"Doughnuts!" Ryuichi dove his face into the bag they had just bought while on their way to N-G. When he pulled back, his face was covered in sprinkles, and he had half a doughnut in his mouth. "Wan ome ooiee?"

Shuichi shook his head. "…no thanks."

The older singer swallowed it down. "Shuichi's being pressured into dieting, isn't he?!"

Said boy put his hands up. "No! Nothing like that!"

"Are you sure?"

"Very sure."

"Then you want one, right?"

Shuichi blinked. "No! I just said-"

"Ah ha! I knew it! Why do you need to diet? Aren't you smaller than _me_?"

"Uh…"

"I know how to find out! Let's trade pants, na no da!"

"Tra-wha?"

Shuichi had to admit he felt rather special walking into N-G wearing Ryuichi Sakuma's pants. _Who knew we're the exact same size? I'm so lucky!_

"Okay! I go this way, Shuichi!"

"Ah-wait, Sakuma-"

"Ryuichi!"

"Ryuichi-san! Um…when do you…want these back?" He gestured to the pants.

The older singer shrugged. "You can keep them. I have lots more. Bye bye!" He gave his special to-Shuichi-only wave and skipped off.

Shuichi returned Ryuichi's funny hand motions and started down the opposite hall. _Okay! Now to call Yuki._ He pulled out his cell phone and began to dial, until he was violently yanked forward, almost dropping it. "H-Hey!"

"It's about time you showed up, Shindou-san! Why did you disappear yesterday?"

"Saku-"

"It doesn't matter. You have to hear my new mix for Easy Action!"

"But I was about to…" He sighed as Suguru dragged him down the hall to the recording room. It was hopeless. He'd just have to call Yuki at lunch.


	2. Chapter 2

Maaaan, I had this chapter done HOURS ago. But what had to go and happen? Internet was being an ass. So I watched a movie and now that it's over, BOOM! It magically works again. How about that shit? I put a link up to my MySpace in my profile...I'm not quite sure why. Haha. I just updated my FF8 story a couple days ago, so I must be on a roll! And so, I'll be updating my Kingdom Hearts fic next, and then cycle back to FF8. Tis only fair.

I admit, I had trouble with this chapter. I love the manga, and i want this to be just as crazy...but words can hardly do it justice. So, I do what I can with what I've got. Is it crazy enough? Too crazy? Tell me! For one part, I was worried it was getting too serious, but I fixed that real quick, haha. Just so you all know, the YukixShuichi things that will happen in this fic won't be all that detailed-this is about RyuxShu after all. But there's no avoiding it(not that I dislike YukixShu, but like I said, this fic isn't about them). I added the title down there in the same form that I have it in, in my MSWorks, so you guys can see it. Nothing special, I guess, but I enjoy putting the Japanese and crud. Ahh, I can't wait to take my Jap class in college soonish...

OH! And I just have to say, I noted that a lot of you told me that you're YukixShu fans and are still reading it anyway. I love you all. Seriously, I think that's super cool! I feel very loved right now, haha. Don't worry, if you look in my profile, I have a buncha stories that are YukixShu, waiting to be written after this one. So stick around, yeah? ((love))

To get right to it, this chapter is dedicated to(and for those who don't know, I dedicate chapters to those who review and don't leave any way for me to reply to and thank them, or other reasons): EVERYBODY!(keep your pants on, I'll list them) Cause I took waaay long updating, and so, I didn't really do review replies this time. But if you had a question(that required a longer response) or something, I did reply...ya know, today. Practically as I'm writing this. haha. Okie, so, BIG thanks to: FraisesPasteque(they were singing Sleepless Beauty-by Nittle Grasper! haha, I forget who does it, but it's made for the TV series of Gravi), GravitationInnocence(Oh, come on...you know Tohma can't keep his hands to himself...not um...LITERALLY speaking or anything...haha...), sayian-jin13, maudite, Em-chan15, waterfall tears(yeah, but that's part of what I love about Ryuichi. ((huggles him)) ), Sevvy, YvonneandNeji(Yeah, Shuichi cries a lot...and it's funny, but while I'm wiritng it out, I totally see him crying in half my scenes, but I usually forget to add the actual sentence in, like it's just implied...haha, I'm sorry! And for the BlackBeauty comment, I love you.), Envy-sinner, Andrea Roberts(Yes, I was flamed once, on a Gundam Wing story. That Black Beauty person was all "u should always put warnings to anything thats in ur story" and you know what I say? Fuck that! So I have my new disclaimer say it all for me, so dumb bitches like that don't bother me again. I liked your rant. XD), WitchingMoon(I'm getting bowed to, now-a-days...man, I feel so special it should be illegal. Seriously.), and EvilS.

Damn, so many reviews on just the first chapter. You guys rock! Keep sending me love, and I'll take of your yaoi and comical needs, I promise.

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Hold Me Gently, Always Catch Me

Sotto dakishimete, zutto tsukamaete

**そっと抱きしめてずっとつかまえて**

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Chapter Two_

Lunch didn't provide a much better chance. Aside from the lack of privacy, Ryuichi Sakuma had decided that he had to eat with his pants-friend today, and was talking his ear off. On any other occasion, he would have listened eagerly to his God and started a rambling of his own-but something was different today. It'd been much too long since he'd seen the blonde writer, since he'd heard his deep voice, and it was all he could think about.

_Need an escape…_ And just as Ryuichi sucked in a giant breath to continue his never ending story, Shuichi jumped to his feet. "Smoke break! Going outside-be right back!"

But no sooner than he had taken a step towards the doors, had a shiny barrel of a recently polished gun appeared between his eyes; a scary American leering down at him. "No doubt you picked this horrible habit up off of your playmate, who makes you late every morning. That guy is bad news…"

"No! K, I-"

"In that case, I'll be happy to help you both kick the habit with merely two twitches of my index finger!"

"I _don't_ smoke!" Shuichi's slumped his shoulders , defeated. "I just want to call Yuki…I haven't gotten to talk to him in nearly _two_ whole days!"

"Hmm…" K narrowed his eyes, thinking it over. "I have a meeting to go to-I need a responsible non-smoker to accompany you, to be sure of your motives for private time."

The singer hung his head. "I don't smoke…"

"Oh, me! _Me_! K-san, I want to go!"

The blonde ruffled Ryuichi's hair. "I said, someone _responsible_." But, suddenly, Suguru was no where to be seen, Sakano hadn't been there in the first place, and they all knew Hiro smoked. K grinned. "Well! I guess I'll just have to trust you on this one!" He handed a small device to Ryuichi. "I leave it in your capable hands!"

"A laser!"

"No, no. A _taser_. We can't afford to give you anything that kills. Now, be a good boy and make sure your buddy Shuichi stays away from cancer sticks! If he so much as pulls one out, I hereby authorize you to aim directly at his package and fire at point-blank range!"

Shuichi's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "No!" He grabbed onto K's leg. "_Anything_ but that!"

"Better to have a high-pitched voice for three days than to ruin it permanently with cigs! Have a nice smoke break, boys." And just like that, he was gone.

Ryuichi saluted to the last place his ex-manager was seen. "Yes sir, na no da!" He reached down and grabbed Shuichi's hand. "Let's go outside!" And proceeded to drag the younger singer out the doors.

It was a nice day; warm and sunny, with just the right kind of breeze. Shuichi dug in his pocket for his cell phone. _Better Sakuma-san than someone else, I guess. He wouldn't fire that things at my…would he?_ He flipped it open and punched only three numbers before it was taken out of his hand. "S-Sakuma-san!" _Nooo! Yukiiii!_

But he looked mad this time, voice serious. "Call me Ryuichi, already."

He was a little afraid of those piercing cobalt eyes. "Ryuichi-san…can I have my phone back?"

"Are we friends, Shuichi?"

_Friends?_ The younger singer had never even dared to group himself and his God together, no matter how close and friendly they always were. Ryuichi Sakuma, the legendary singer of Nittle Grasper, was untouchable. But how many times had the brunette called them buddies? It was hard for Shuichi to gauge in his mind which answer the older wanted to hear, but Ryuichi was patient…enough. "Uh…y-yes?"

"You don't call Hiroshi 'Hiro-san'." He pointed out, making it plainly obvious what he was getting at.

"Well…I've known Hiro for a long time…"

"You've known _me_ for a long time."

"But you're…you're Ryuichi Sakuma…" _My God._

Ryuichi frowned. "…I see." _The truth always comes out in the end._ He stood, dropping the phone into Shuichi's lap. "Enjoy your call." Then walking off as casually as he could manage. _I'm…Ryuichi Sakuma. A name-nothing more, Shuichi?_ On his way back into the building, he passed Tohma, who stopped him.

"I know that face-what happened, Ryuichi-san?"

Usually being very vague, this time was no different. Ryuichi stared out at a lone tree on N-G's property. "I'm…more than the lead singer of Nittle Grasper; I'm more than just some idol-right, Tohma?"

The blonde tilted his head to the side. "What? Don't be silly-you're a person, just like the rest of us." It bothered him some, to be asked such a thing by Ryuichi. In all the time he'd known him, the brunette had always soaked up the glory and had never questioned who he was, much less cared what people thought of him as. Ryuichi was Ryuichi-and there had never been more to it than that.

The brunette threw on his happy face. "I know. Thanks, Tohma! Bye bye!" And he took off running, into the building and down the hall. _Preparations for my trip to America are nearly complete, anyway._

_**You can't fix someone if they don't know that they're broken.**_

"Ah, Ryuichi-san! Maybe you should go home!" But Tohma's words went predictably unheard and he sighed before continuing on his way to pay a visit to his dear brother-in-law.

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Shuichi had stared after his idol for quite some time before finishing the number and waiting while it rang.

An irritated voice answered after about five rings. "_What_?"

_It's Yuki's voice! _He nearly orgasmed on the spot before remembering that he had to answer. "I-It's me…"

"Where have you been?"

Shuichi bowed with the phone to his ear. "I'm _so sorry_, Yuki! I tried to call a million times, I really did! But then things kept happening and Sakuma-san was at my house and there was nothing I could do!"

"Ryuichi Sakuma?" _I never liked that guy…_

"Yeah-and I was home the other night, but you were asleep! _Crap_, I should have wrote a note or something! I'm sorry, Yuki!"

There was a sigh. "I'm not complaining-at least it was _quiet_."

"That's so _mean_, Yuki! How can you say such cruel things?"

You could almost hear the smirk in his voice. "Easily. Now hurry up and get home."

"O-Okay! Bye, Yuki! I love-"

_Click._

Shuichi sighed. _So much for that. I wonder why Sakuma-san was so angry…?_ He made his way back into the building in a daze.

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Yuki was already working on his next novel when _the_ _annoyance_ appeared.

'At first, he had hoped that it was just a business visit, and that the annoyance would go away after a short while-but it stayed. It crept around his personal office until, suddenly, it dropped itself into his lapwbfklwheuofghwkefb'

"Get off me, damn it! I'm can't _think_ with you in here, Seguchi!"

Tohma tried to look hurt. "It doesn't even seem like a very interesting story to me. I think you need a new plot line."

His pushed his brother-in-law away. "It would take a new direction if you'd disappear."

"What, I can't even visit you now, Eiri-san?"

"Not when I'm working."

"But I brought you a gift!" He held up a box of little strawberry cakes that he knew Yuki couldn't refuse. "I'm sure you could use a break by now…"

The taller blonde growled before closing his laptop. "Fine." He made his way into the kitchen and proceeded to get some coffee for himself, not at all worried about Tohma. When that was done, he sat down beside the older man and snatched the box from his hands. "So what are you _really_ here for?"

"Me?" He asked innocently. "Oh, nothing in particular."

"Bullshit. I don't care how many little pleasure trips you take to come here, you always have something going on."

"Well…" He looked up to the ceiling, as if in thought before bringing a small smile to his face. "Ryuichi-san's been behaving rather peculiarly as of late."

Yuki snickered around his cake before swallowing it down. "That idiot again? What makes any of you think that I give a damn about some old geezer with an obvious mental disorder?"

Tohma shrugged casually. "I just thought it was strange that he's felt free to skip work with Shindou-san lately. Perhaps going back to America is getting to his head."

Yuki narrowed his eyes. "Shuichi?"

_"I'm so sorry, Yuki! I tried to call a million times, I really did! But then things kept happening and Sakuma-san was at my house and there was nothing I could do!" _

The older gave him a surprised look. "You didn't know? I was under the impression that he tells you every little detail of his days. My mistake."

"He _did_ tell me." Yuki snapped, more defensively than he had intended. "I just wasn't aware that he'd skipped out on work."

Tohma was a little disappointed; he loved stirring up dust. "Oh…" Not that he didn't have any more cards to play. "Hmm, come to think of it, Shindou-san didn't come back here last night, did he?"

"And what gives you that impression?"

"Well, Ryuichi-san came in today wearing the exact same clothes as yesterday, with the exception of his pants-they were different, and not quite something he would normally wear."

Yuki glared. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"I happened to see Shindou-san on my way out." He smiled, talking casually as he grabbed a cake for himself. "He was wearing Ryuichi's pants."

_Observant bastard…_ "What are you implying?"

"Hm?" He quickly swallowed down the bite he had taken. "Oh, nothing! I'm merely telling you the interesting little things that are on my mind today. You said you wanted to know."

"I said I wanted to know _why_ you were _here_, Seguchi."

"Oh, well." Tohma smiled again, more sincerely this time. "I already told you, Eiri-san. I just wanted to see you." He looked down at his watch before sighing. "I have to be getting back now, unfortunately."

"Good. Then you can stop bugging the hell out of me."

The older laughed good-naturedly and stood, making his way to the door, then slipping his shoes back on. "I wouldn't worry about Shindou-san, if I were you. No matter how much he loves Ryuichi Sakuma, the papers are all filled out, and XMR is waiting."

Yuki shrugged and lit up a cigarette. "As if I care."

"You don't even care?" He slipped his coat on, smirking to himself. "What a shame."

"Can it, Seguchi. Get out, already."

"I'm going, I'm going." And then he exited at last, closing the door behind him.

Yuki took a long drag on his cigarette. "Ryuichi Sakuma, huh?" He snorted angrily. "What bullshit." He then proceeded to go back into his office, working more on his novel-after deleting the past few lines.

It wasn't until a few hours later, when he heard a car pull up outside the complex, that he stopped. It was unusual and so he stood, peering out into the evening by pulling the blinds out of his way.

* * *

The power of Yuki's voice made his afternoon productive, and before Shuichi knew it, it was time to call it a day. He was excited to jump into Yuki's arms, and he would have broken into a run if someone hadn't grabbed onto the back of his shirt.

"Shuichi! I'll drop you off at Yuki's, cause I have to go that way anyway, na no da!" Except he really didn't.

"Oh! Okay!" _Now I'll get there even faster! I wish I had a car._ He happily got in after his idol without a second thought.

Ryuichi dove into a plastic bag, pulling out a styrofoam container and a plastic fork. Upon opening it, a wonderful smell filled the car. "Mmm, Sukiyaki!" He hastily took a few bites before it occurred to him. "Want some, Shuichi?"

"Oh, uh, that's okay-" Shuichi's stomach made a loud noise, which seemed to answer for him.

Ryuichi passed it over and opened a soda. From there, they shared the food and drink in silence, which was unusual for both, but they each seemed to have bigger things on their minds.

They arrived in no time and Shuichi got out, standing and bowing to his friend. "Thank you, Saku-Ryuichi-sa-uh…Ryuichi." It was going to be hard to remember that he didn't have to be polite when addressing his God. Shuichi straightened up before suddenly being pulled back down and partway into the car.

From the window up above, Yuki's eyes went wide for a moment before he narrowed them and let go of the blinds. _Fuck you, Seguchi. It's probably not what it looks like. That's the shit that happens in my novels._

_"No matter how much he loves Ryuichi Sakuma, the papers are all filled out, and XMR is waiting."_

_America, huh? Good. Get that crazy bastard out of Japan._

"Oh, Shuichi. Did you want your pants back, na no da?"

"Uh…"

"They're neat, so if you don't want them, I'm keeping them!"

Shuichi blinked, then smiled. "You can have them."

"Yay! Shuichi's pants are _mine_ now!" Ryuichi's forehead had brushed Shuichi's briefly during his bouncing around. "Okay, see you tomorrow Shuichi! Bye bye!"

"Bye…Ryuichi!" It had still taken him a second to think of it. He backed up a little until his head was safe and straightened up once more, before getting out of the way and shutting the car door. The driver took off, Ryuichi waving out the back window until they were out of sight.

Then, suddenly, it hit him. "Yukiiiii!" He ran to the door and let himself inside, before getting into the elevator. "Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki!" Since he had a key, he was able to let himself in, and rushed to the blonde's private study before falling to his knees in utter horror.

'Shut up and

go away!

P.S. Drop dead.

-Yuki'

_So he really **was** mad on the phone! _"Yukiiiii! I'm sorry I didn't call until today! Please forgive me! Yukiiii!" But there was no answer to his cries, and so he sat down in front of the door, tracing the lines in the hardwood floor with his finger-waiting.

* * *

It wasn't too terribly long before Yuki emerged, looking pissed off and just as handsome as ever.

Shuichi's eyes sparkled. "YUKI!" He jumped the blonde and clung to him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Shut up. You'll give me a headache."

He toned his voice down immediately. "Sorry."

"How boring." He went off to the kitchen, Shuichi still attached, and made himself fresh coffee.

"Did you miss me?"

"No."

Tears came to Shuichi's chibi eyes. "That's so mean, Yuki!"

"Then don't ask questions that you really don't want the answer to."

"We're lovers! You're supposed to miss me if I'm even gone for only one second!"

"In a fairytale, perhaps. Or maybe if you were quiet."

"Yuki!"

"Ugh, shut up already!" He turned and glared at Shuichi, who had finally let go. "Do I always have to do everything myself?" The writer grabbed the boy and pulled him into a heated, needy kiss. Yuki hadn't gotten to use 'his hole' in days, and it was starting to piss him off. He roughly pushed Shuichi into the nearest wall, ravaging his mouth. They broke for air and all the singer could do was pant and moan as Yuki attacked his neck with bites and kisses. Clothes were carelessly shed as they made their way to the bedroom, Shuichi whining every once in a while from a bite even too hard or nails digging too far into his skin, followed by Yuki telling him to shut up and stop acting like a baby.

Yuki was extra cruel to his lover that night; giving into sadistic feelings as he used less lube and let Shuichi have less prep time, unconsciously punishing his lover for things he may or may not have actually done.


	3. Chapter 3

Holy Cow! Yes, for the second day in a row, it is I, Aku-chan, updating stories! As I said on chapter 33 of I Promise, I haven't forgotten you guys. This site has always been close to my heart and will continue to be. Things have been pretty messed up in my life, but as you can see from this, I'm doing a little better. I think it's pretty amazing that I can not touch a story for over a year and then step right back into it like I never left. I guess that shows how close I am to the characters that I've helped create. I hope you guys still love me and will continue to support me through these tough times. I'm not gonna promise to be updating all the time...a promise made without certainty is indeed a foolish one. But, like always, I'll try my best. I can't guarantee that my life will get better from here on out, but I can try to keep my head above the water. Things change, people change...I've changed. But people also need to learn...so please be patient with me while I try to learn to adapt to all this shit in my life, so I can show up here much more often. I do update my profile occasionally, though, even when I don't update. Leave me some love, I look forward to hearing from all of you again!

_Chapter Three_

Shuichi awoke to _cold_. Instantly, he reached out for a blanket that wasn't there. After a moment, he cracked an eye open before sitting up quickly. He was on the _floor_, obviously kicked there by Yuki while sound asleep. "Yukiii…you're so mean to me!" But upon standing and inspecting the bed, he found that his blond lover was no where to be found. He scrambled to dress before bursting out the bedroom door and franticly searching the apartment for any sign of the writer or a note explaining his absence. Even knowing it was pointless, he checked every last couch cushion. _What am I looking for, really…?_ Yuki never left notes, never explained anything. It was Friday, and like every Friday, he was off from work…and just like every Friday, Yuki was gone when he woke up. The moody blond would return in a few hours, he knew. But he also knew that he would not be given any reasons. Unless 'Shut up!' is considered a reason, that is.

He pouted and plopped down on the couch, prepared to try and amuse himself until the object of his affections returned. Suddenly, his phone came alive with a Nittle Grasper tune and he jumped a foot in the air. Jerking it out of his pocket, he realized his complete disappointment that it wasn't Yuki's tune. It was Sleepless Beauty, Shuichi's personal favorite, and it just happened to be associated with none other than the crazy brunet himself. "Hello…?" He answered calmly enough, though it was one of the first times Ryuichi had ever called him.

"Shuichi! Are you busy?" He sounded excited as ever.

"Uh…well…no…"

"Let's go somewhere! I have something to tell you, na no da!"

"I don't know, Sa-Ryuichi…Yuki should be home soon."

He playing voice seemed to fall away, leaving a deliciously smooth, thought-provoking tone. "So?"

"So?" Shuichi echoed.

"I said I have something important to tell you…don't you want to hear it?"

"I…" He briefly thought of asking him to say it now, over the phone, and then thought better of it. Whatever the older singer had on his mind, it sounded serious. _But, Yuki… _He bit his lip in thought. _Well, maybe it won't take that long._ "Okay. Where do you wanna meet?"

"I'll be by to pick you up in fifteen! Bye bye!" _Click_.

Shuichi pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. _I don't get it._ Sitting still for a minute more, he suddenly sprang to his feet. "Gah! Sakuma-san's picking me up in fifteen minutes!" He searched around frantically for better clothes than the random things he had tossed on that morning. Then it dawned on him. _Sakuma-san's pants._ He hadn't seen them on the kitchen floor with the rest of his clothes. Now in even more of a panic, he searched the apartment again, this time for something much larger that really couldn't be hiding in Yuki's desk drawers.

He dropped to his knees in defeat. "I can't believe this…I've looked _everywhere_!" And then he saw it. The small, aluminum kitchen garbage can looked…_funny_. Upon closer examination, he realized that the black marks were made from extreme heat, and that what was left of the dark, singed material was obviously Ryuichi's pants. He gaped like a fish out of water and his eyes welled up with tears. "YUKIIII!! How could you?! My…SAKUMA-SAN'S PANTS! I…"

_Beep beep!_

"Oh crap! He's here!" Shuichi flew down the hall and threw himself together, pulling his green shirt on while in the elevator. As soon as it opened he raced through the lobby and skidded to a stop in front of the car door.

The window rolled down and Ryuichi peaked out. "Wow, Shuichi! You got here in 65 seconds!"

"Heh." He grinned, trying to catch his breath.

The brunet opened the door and scooched back over to the other seat., rolling up the window with his own set of controls. "Sit down, Shuichi! I wanna go!"

"Okay!" He plopped into the seat and shut the door, settling down. After a few moments, the car began to move.

There was silence for a long time before anyone spoke. "Shuichi…are you okay?"

"Huh?" The young singer looked over at him stupidly. "Oh, yeah! I'm fine! I'm…" Suddenly, his eyes quivered with tears. "Ryuichi, I don't know what to do!"

"…eh?"

"It's…your…he…WAAAAH!!"

Ryuichi blinked as his counterpart clung to him, sobbing. "…Shuichi? What happened?"

"It's Yuki! He…he…" Flood gates standing open, he finally looked up at a serious Ryuichi, who thought something disastrous must have happened. "He burned the pants you gave meee!"

The brunet blinked once more before bursting with laughter.

Shuichi sobered up instantly at his idol's reaction. "What-"

Noticing the strange look he was receiving, he tried to calm down. "Sorry, Shuichi! Ryu-chan will give you another pair of pants, okay? Don't be sad!"

His kohai pouted. "Okay…" Then he thought to look out the window. "Where are we going, anyway?" Pressing his face against the glass, he could see a little better through the excessive tint. "…Shibuya?"

"That's right!" He grinned. "Here!" He thrust a paper bag into Shuichi's hands and donned a hat, then changing his mind and flipping it backwards. He completed the ensemble with a red pair of sunglasses. Upon opening the mystery bag, the young singer found a blonde wig and green shades. "We don't want people to know who we are, na no da!" _And ruin our…date?_

Shuichi fiddled with the wig for quite some time before Ryuichi helped him tuck all the stray hairs in. "Do I look okay blonde?" He wondered out loud.

Ryuichi gave him a thumbs up as the car came to a stop. "Time to shop and play games and stuff our faces! Let's go, Shuichi!" Not even waiting for the other's reply, he grabbed his hand tightly and dragged him out his own door. Before Shuichi could even stand up straight, the brunet spotted a shop. "Robots! C'mon, Shuichi!"

The now-blond happily let his idol pull him around, momentarily forgetting everything else.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yuki had come home and was _not_ pleased. He knew something was wrong the moment he opened the front door, only to be greeted by silence. He had paused, then, before coming inside. Every single Friday, the brat was off, and every single Friday morning, he went to see his psychologist, and every single time he came home, Shuichi had been waiting…but not today. He dumped his grocery bags on the kitchen table in a fit of rage, watching as half of them fell over, and it couldn't have mattered less.

"_Well, let's start with how you're feeling today, Uesugi-san."_

"_Like shit."_

"_I…appreciate your honesty."_

"_I'm sure you do."_

"_Tell me, Uesugi-san, how is your…relationship coming along?"_

"_How should I know?"_

"_Surely you must know how you feel about it at this very moment?"_

"_I could care less."_

"…"

"…_I burned them."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_His pants."_

"_I…see. What motivated you to take such an action?"_

"_They were given to him…"_

"…_by another man?"_

"_Perhaps."_

"_I think-please don't smoke in here, Uesugi-san. Is it maybe that…you feel jealous that he received a gift from another male? That someone else is showing interest in him?"_

"_I could care less."_

"…_are you certain? It doesn't seem that way…"_

"_Look, in a week's time, that irritation will go away."_

"_How can you be so sure?"_

"_I'm __**sure**__. Now stop asking me."_

It hit him like a ton of bricks, but nevertheless, he refused to react: Shuichi was with Ryuichi Sakuma. There had been no note, no phone call, none of the usual things the kid would have done before he even so much as _thought_ about going anywhere. He picked up his cell phone with a sneer and began dialing.

* * *

Four hours, thirty shops, twelve bags, fifteen takoyaki sticks, five sodas and three bathroom stops later, something caught Ryuichi's eye. "Memories!" was all he could think of to say as he dragged Shuichi into the small photo booth. He eagerly deposited money in the slot and they began taking dozens of pictures in every pose imaginable before using the little screen to edit them, adding funny designs and word balloons. The brunet made sure to be the first one to grab hold of what had printed out, ripping a specific one off and hiding it in his pocket while Shuichi untangled himself from the curtain. He carefully chose where to separate them and handed Shuichi half of them. "That was fun, na no da! What next?"

And then a Nittle Grasper song came alive from someone's pocket.

Ryuichi looked down at his pants. "Not me."

"Ah!" Recognizing the song, he ripped the phone from his pocket and instantly flipped it open. "Yuki! Are you home? I-"

"Shut up. Well, don't _you_ sound happy?"

"Well, I…" His face fell instantly.

"Go to hell. Don't bother coming home."

"But-Yuki-I-"

_Click._

He just stared at the phone incredulously. _This can't be…what did I…?_ His vision blurred with tears instantly.

Ryuichi frowned and grabbed his hand. "C'mon. I have something to tell you, remember?" He lead the silent blond through an empty parking lot with a railing at the edge that looked over some of the city. It was beginning to get dark and the streets came alive with bright lights and neon signs. The sky had been overcast all day, only adding to the now-somber atmosphere. Ryuichi put the sunglasses in his pocket and slipped the hat off his head, letting the wind fix his hair for him while he tried to put on a smile. "There's a company called XMR…"

Shuichi's eyes widened as he pulled the shades from his face. _XMR? But that's…_

"They rival N-G, and they asked me to sign on with them as a solo artist." He ran his hand along the railing before gripping it tightly.

"But…you wouldn't do that, right? N-G _made_ Nittle Grasper, and Seguchi-san is-"

"I agreed."

The younger singer could merely stare at the person who'd been his idol all his life. "W-What…?"

"I…agreed. I'll be leaving in three days. They're…based in America, you know."

It wouldn't be the first time a big star like Ryuichi Sakuma had been to America, but it would be the first time that it directly affected Shuichi in any way. _America…_

The brunet looked elsewhere. "It's a year long contract, but…if things go well, I may stay there longer." He sighed a little. "I guess my point is…I brought you out here to say goodbye, Shuichi." _You're…the only real friend I've had since I became famous._

"But, Ryuichi…you're not…_really_ going…are you?" It was too much-it couldn't be true. Yet every movement his idol made, every statement, every breath…confirmed it, leaving no room for doubt.

"…'fraid so." He pulled the hat over his head, down far enough to cover his eyes. He carelessly wiped at a tear on his face with a shaky hand before the other could completely see it.

"…Ryuichi…"

"It's raining." He said suddenly.

Shuichi looked up at the grey sky, feeling a hot tear roll down his own cheek. "…yeah."

"…let's go back to the car. I'll take you home."

"Yeah…"

* * *

Yuki heard the car pull up, but refused to move from his laptop. _I told him not to come back. Can't he fucking listen? Idiot._

The car had long since stopped, but neither of them moved. At length, Shuichi's hand managed to find the door handle. "Thanks for everything, Ryuichi…"

The brunet smiled. "Don't let Yuki push you around, got it?" _And Tohma better not…_

Shuichi laughed a little, though it was a hollow sound. "Yeah…"

"Oh, be expecting a package from me next month!"

"A…package?" His purple eyes sparkled.

Ryuichi put a finger to his lips. "It's a secret."

He was officially excited. "Okay!" He opened the door, glad he had _something_ to look forward to.

"Ah, Shuichi…" Once he had the other's attention, he curled his ring adorned finger, beckoning him closer. Once Shuichi had leaned in, he moved even closer and whispered. "Don't forget…to shine." He then pressed his lips to Shuichi's in a hesitant kiss.

He instantly melted into it as gentle hands pulled him closer. It was kind and loving…it demanded nothing and yet gave absolutely everything at the same time. It was nothing at all like fulfilling Yuki's harsh needs. _Yuki…_ He briefly thought, in the back of his mind. But just as quickly, it was gone.

It had only been seconds, but Ryuichi pulled away, unable to let himself go further than that. _Shuichi…_ "You…should go."

Realization hitting him, he covered his mouth with a shaking hand before dashing out of the car and to the door of the building, refusing to look back. A moment later, her heard the car door shut and it slowly pulled away. His heart was pounding and it wouldn't stop. He sank to the ground, practically unable to move. He pulled out his cell phone…and just stared at it for the third time that day.

"_Go to hell. Don't bother coming home."_

Tears formed at the corners of his eyes and he slowly dialed Hiro's number. He listened to it ring, trying so hard to calm himself.

"Ah, Shuichi. I was just-"

"Can you…come get me?"

"…what?"

"I need you to…come get me. Please…"

"Where are you?"

"Outside Yuki's apartment building…"

"I'll be right there." _Click._

_He dropped the phone into his lap, looking towards the sky. Nothing made sense. Everything was so…wrong, and he didn't know what to do. The tears began pouring down his face…just as the rain started to fall._


	4. Chapter 4

Hey, all! Bet you guys didn't expect to see me so soon, eh? To be honest, this would have been posted yesterday, but some stuff happened...I don't really want to talk about it. Anyways, I thank all of you have been sticking with me through all my issues and slow updates and special thanks to those of you who always review. You guys are the reason I keep posting here. I was in a pretty shitty mood yesterday, so I hope it isn't reflected on this chapter too much. Review and tell me how it is, k? Oh, and the song title mentioned later, Haiboku, belongs to me.

_

* * *

___

Chapter Four

Hiro's apartment was a familiar sight and it comforted the singer some.

"Make yourself at home, Shuichi. I've got some pizza left, if you're hungry."

He shook his head. "Not really…"

"So what happened?" The brunet lit up a cigarette, getting right to the point.

Shuichi briefly thought about passing it off as nothing or just saying that Yuki kicked him out, but his friend was too smart for that, he knew. "Hiro…" He looked out the window as the rain fell over Tokyo. "What if…there were these two…people…that both liked you?" He rested his forehead against the cool glass, staring at his reflection in it. "And one of them you fell in love with, but…he was cruel and hated to love you? And the other…he got to you too late, but was the most kind and gentle person in the world?"

"Hmm." He blew smoke at the ceiling. _Playing the whole nameless-guy-A-and-nameless-guy-B-that-you-actually-know-in-real-life card, huh, Shuichi?_ "I think I would…get rid of the first guy, and learn to love the other one." _Because even though Yuki-san makes you happy somehow, I can't stand…how he treats you._

Purple eyes blinked once before he turned to look at his friend. "But…even if you already love the first guy?"

"Mm." He confirmed. "Sometimes…it's the people we love that hurt us the most. Just because you love that guy right _now_, it doesn't mean he's a good person, or that he's the right one for you. The fact that you're debating it tells me that you subconsciously know that already. But you'll never find out for sure if you don't give Ryuichi Sakuma a chance."

Shuichi sweat dropped. "You knew?!"

Hiro grinned. "It was just a guess, but that settles it. I figured you guys were being weird lately…"

"…he's leaving."

"Huh?"

"Sakuma…san…" He sighed, momentarily remembering how the other hated to be called that by him. "Ryuichi…is going to America in three days. He signed a contract with XMR-"

"Think you can sort out your feelings in three days' time?" Hiro put out his cigarette in the blue ash tray. "You could always stop him at the airport, confess your feelings, beg him not to leave…it'll be like one of Yuki-san's love stories." _Come to life to bite him in the ass._

"What are you talking about, Hiro…? There's nothing to sort out. He's leaving, and I'm staying here…" Shuichi began to cry again, getting angry at the same time. "He's been there all this time, and didn't say anything till just now! Why do **I** have to do something about it?! He's the one…who should do something…" He hung his head, defeated. "I don't want Yuki to hate me…"

The brunet frowned. "…then I guess that's that."

But that wasn't it at all. Shuichi couldn't seem to sleep on his friend's couch that night, no matter how hard he tried. It didn't feel real, not any of it. It was like everything was crashing down in his life. Yuki was randomly(or so it seemed) mad again, Ryuichi was leaving, and he was sure he couldn't sing a single note for a million yen. He didn't know how to keep the remaining fragments of his life safe from crumbling until they could be whole again-if they would ever be whole again. "Ryuichi…" He whispered out into the darkness of the empty living room. He wasn't calling out to him, wasn't asking anything of him, and wasn't praying for him to come back…he was waiting.

* * *

Shuichi avoided work for days, and was surely in the worst slump of his life. How he eluded the crazy blond American that was his manager was beyond him. He stayed at Hiro's every night, not knowing when or if Yuki would ever allow him to return. How he hated not knowing. For once, he wanted something sure in his life. The things he had bought the last day he had had with Ryuichi were magically delivered to Hiro's house, as if the older singer somehow knew he was there.

Towards evening on the third day he had skipped work, he received a text message from an unknown number:

_Japan Airways 7 PM gate A3_

He stared at it for a long time, wondering. Who had sent it? Why did they send it? Was he expected to go? Was it a request? _I…can't go. If I saw Ryuichi now…I'd ask him to stay. But he __**has**__ to go…he made a contract. There's…no way I'm going to mess that up for him. _It was about 6 PM, and it would only take 15 minutes to get to the airport. He shook his head to clear himself of his inner battle. _No! I can't do that. That's…where Ryuichi belongs._

Instead, he found himself outside Yuki's apartment. _And this…is where I belong._ After a moment's hesitation, he cautiously knocked. Another minute and an obviously aggravated blond writer flung the door open. Normally, he would have jumped on his lover, cried, begged forgiveness…but today, he couldn't gather up the energy.

Yuki narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"

"I…I'd like to stay. But if you don't want me-"

"Of course I don't."

_He answered so quickly, so sure of himself._ "Then…I'd like my stuff…"

The tired writer stared for a moment, wondering about the tone in Shuichi's voice. "Do whatever you want." He turned from the pathetic sight and went back to his laptop, prepared to ignore the boy easily if necessary.

But Shuichi said nothing as he packed up what little he had, his heart breaking into little pieces all the while. He tried to remember everything: bedding, clothes, his computer, CDs and other things he had bought in their time together. There was a matching mug set he had gotten them long ago, that Yuki seemed to use on a regular basis. Debating it for only a few minutes, he decided to leave his there as well. He frowned, wondering if there was anything at all that Yuki would say. Once at the door, he slipped on his shoes and turned around, staring at the place he had previously called home. On the couch sat his ex-lover, typing away on his precious laptop like he had the entire time Shuichi had been there, not looking up once.

"I'm…leaving now." When there was no response, he frowned. "Don't you have anything to say?"

"Good riddance."

And for one of the first times in his life, he was genuinely angry at the blond. "I hate you, Yuki!" He ran out, slamming the door behind himself.

The writer noted that Shuichi's voice lacked the crybaby tone it usually had when he'd said it, the ever-present 'I love you, but I hate you sometimes' that was there every time he did something cruel. It disturbed him greatly and he scowled. _This is all because of…Ryuichi Sakuma._

Shuichi had wiped his tears away fiercely, cramming his things onto the cab that he had taken there. He slowly got in after taking one last look up at the building. He had thought he'd seen Yuki's face there, but shook his head. _Who am I kidding? He's probably just glad it's quiet._ "Take me back where to where we came from, please." The engine started and they were off. _I wonder…if I'll be broken like this forever. If I'll always be…alone._

"_I'm not complaining-at least it was quiet."_

'_Shut up and_

_Go away!_

_P.S. Drop dead._

_-Yuki'_

"_Don't ask questions that you really don't want the answer to."_

"_Shut up. You'll give me a headache."_

"_Do I always have to do __**everything**__ myself?"_

"_Shut up. Well, don't __**you**__ sound happy?" _

"_Go to hell. Don't bother coming home." _

"_Ugh, shut up already!" _

"_**Good riddance.**__"_

_You…really don't miss me, do you, Yuki? Maybe Hiro is right. Maybe…I'm being a fool._

"_Sometimes…it's the people we love that hurt us the most."_

_And…everyone…everyone but me…_

"_That guy is bad news…"_

"_Well…you have been a little strange lately, but I wouldn't say that your love for singing has much to do with it. I'd place __**my**__ bets on Yuki Eiri."_

"_Don't let Yuki push you around, got it?" _

…_knew it all along. I wonder if…I'll ever be able to sing again. I'll probably have to quit Bad Luck, even though…I really don't want to give up on my band, and let everyone down. But I…I don't think I could…_

_"Don't forget…to shine." _

_Ryu…ichi…_

"Stop! Please take me to the airport instead!" The cabbie pulled a u-turn and Shuichi looked down at his watch. _6:40...there's still a chance!_

And somewhere, a sad brunet singer pulled a picture out of his pocket and stared at it longingly, taking one last look around him before gripping his bag and walking away.

* * *

As soon as the taxi had started to slow down, Shuichi flipped money into the front seat and flew out the door. "You can take the stuff back where I came from!" Running at full speed, insanely desperate, he bypassed security, frantically searching for gate A3. The guards had lost sight of him, but were relaying to other staff with radios that there was a crazy pink haired kid on the loose, who was possibly a terrorist. When he had come to it at last, he practically melted into a puddle at the counter, unable to catch his breath. "I…I need to get on board…"

The lady frowned at him. "I'm afraid you're too late. All passengers are seated already."

_Too…late?!_ "Hey! Do you know who I am?! I'm Shuichi! Shuichi Shindou! The lead singer of Bad Luck!"

She stared. "Of…what?"

"Gah, never mind! You have to let me on, just for a second!" He waved his arms around to emphasize his point.

"I told you, you _can't_! They've already removed the board walk, and the plane is starting to move!"

"Wha-" He ran to his left, plastering his face against the window. Sure enough, it was backing up slightly to clear its path. "No…" His chest hurt and he suddenly felt like he was on fire. "You…can't go…"

And then he saw him. In the very first window sat Ryuichi Sakuma. He loved window seats, and was always staring out with an iPod in his ears, every time he went somewhere on a plane. It seemed annoyingly ironic that Bad Luck's Glaring Dream played at that moment. At least he'd have Shuichi's voice to keep him company. But when he looked up, to stare out as he always did, he saw a flash of pink. There in the building, with his face stuck to the window, was the very person he was thinking about. He had to blink a couple times to make sure it was true. "…Shuichi?"

"No way…Ryuichi…?" The plane started to pull forward, ready to move out onto the runway. "No! Don't Go!" He started banging on the glass, tears streaming down his face instantly. "What're you doing?! How can you just leave like that?!"

Security was there in a flash, peeling him off the window. "C'mon kid."

The brunet mustered up a smile and waved sadly. _Goodbye…Shuichi._

"Don't go, damn it! Ryuichi!" They pulled on him harder, and just as his idol's face was out of sight, he suddenly stopped resisting and they all fell down. He reached out for the window, as if he could still grab the singer's hand. "Don't…go…"

"Geez, is your girlfriend on that plane or something? This kid is nuts!"

"Hey, he's got a fever!"

"You think he's hallucinating?"

"Call an ambulance!"

_Please don't…don't go…Ryuichi._

* * *

When Shuichi awoke, he was lying in a hospital bed. He shot up, knocking heads with Hiro, who just happened to be leaning over him when he had began mumbling on the edge of consciousness. "Ow!"

"Ah!" The brunet rubbed his forehead. "What the hell?"

Taking in his surroundings with his hand to his forehead, the singer couldn't hide his disappointment. "What…happened?"

His friend gave him a pained look. "You blacked out at the airport. They said you had a high fever, and you've been out for three days…that was quite a stunt, having the taxi bring your things back without you."

"Oh…"

"You were looking for Ryuichi Sakuma, weren't you?"

Shuichi blinked. "I…"

Hiro seemed to understand. "Did you find him?"

"He…" The singer sighed and shook his head, trying to blink back the tears. "I was…too late. He was already gone…"

He put a cigarette in his mouth but didn't light it. "What will you do?"

Shuichi smiled sadly down at the sheets. "…absolutely nothing." He covered his face and started crying.

Hiro pulled him over, letting his friend sob into his shirt, like always. _Why not, Shuichi…?_ "…Yuki-san was here yesterday."

"Y-Yuki?" _Does he…care after all?_

"He brought some flowers…"

Shuichi grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "Where?! Where are they?!"

Hiro tried really hard not to laugh. "…he gave them to the nurse he was flirting with."

"…oh…"

* * *

Hiroshi had been sitting there, quietly reading a book when Yuki had come in. He had glanced up at the blond. "…so you came. Flowers and all."

"I'm surprised you called. I thought you'd _never forgive me _if I broke his heart." He mocked slightly.

The brunet snapped the book shut. "And I won't. But I did want to ask…"

Yuki picked the empty chair on the other side of the bed and pulled it out slightly before sitting in it. "What?"

"If you hated Shuichi, you never would have let him live with you in the first place. You don't seem like the kind of person to put up with things you don't like."

"…is there an actual question in this somewhere?"

Hiro ignored the remark. "I want to know…what is it you're trying to do?"

The writer narrowed his eyes at the brunet before shifting the look to Shuichi's unconscious form. "…how should I know?"

And just as the guitarist had opened his mouth, the faux redhead nurse had strolled in, and Yuki's charm was turned on immediately. He flirted with her good naturedly and had given her the flowers, probably, Hiro could only guess, so that he wouldn't look gay. After that, the blond had left with one final statement: "Don't call me again."

* * *

That evening, the two friends went home together. The doctor said he was fine, but Hiro could tell he was a wreck. He instantaneously plopped onto the couch, face down.

Finally able to light one up, the brunet inhaled deeply. "So, Shuichi. What do you want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." Came the muffled reply.

Hiro frowned. "After three days?" _He usually eats like a horse…_

"Call it a diet." He retorted.

"Okay, smartass. I'm ordering Chinese food and you're going to eat it."

"Bite me, Hiro!"

The brunet guitarist narrowed his eyes. "Don't tempt me."

It wasn't long before the food arrived. They had the TV on, but neither were really watching it. Shuichi just stared at his food, obviously not intending to eat it.

"When are you going to come back to work?"

This startled the singer out of his thoughts. "Work? I…don't know If I can work anymore, Hiro."

"You're in a slump."

He twitches, the nail having been hit over the head. "Well…"

"You used to be in one every time Yuki-san was mad at you." He puts out his cigarette. "But I guess I understand it this time. You're done with him and Ryuichi went to America…"

His eyes teared up instantly. "Don't remind me, you jackass!"

Hiro laughed slightly. "Heh. Sorry." He paused a moment. "…but maybe it would help you, to force yourself to do it."

"Eh?"

"Don't you think it's time to learn to do the things you have to do, even though you don't feel like doing them?"

"…No." Shuichi answered honestly.

Hiro quirked a brow. "Is that so?"

He picked at the food with his chopsticks. "I wouldn't have started our band if I didn't love singing. I should be doing it…because I love it, not because it's my job and I have to."

"_Don't you love singing, more than anything?…you don't show it anymore."_

"But then…" Shuichi continued. "If I loved singing, it would make things better just to do it…I would _always_ want to do it. Maybe…Ryuichi was right, that time…"

"Maybe we should transform into a depressing metal band. Then you'll always feel like screaming and will have no problem coming up with depressing lyrics." Hiro joked.

Shuichi imagined himself in all black with black hair and blood red eyes screaming into the microphone…and how much his voice would surely hurt afterwards. It didn't sound very appealing. _But then…maybe, even for our band, I could…_ "Hiro, I need paper!"

Once it was in hand, he stared at it for a while before writing with a blue pen, the only thing his friend had on hand. The words poured out of him somehow, and although it would have to be edited, he had a feeling it would make a great song for their new album, which was due out in three months…and he hadn't even finished all the tracks. It would be a sad song, full of the whispers of missed opportunities and the pain of longing. It would be terribly beautiful, and this, he felt, he might be able to sing on his own.

* * *

Before Shuichi knew it, nearly a month had passed. He had dyed his hair blond without telling anyone, to complete his independent transformation. They had all been a little shocked, but most of them felt it was a vast improvement over pink, deciding cover photos for the album had to be reshot. The album was coming along quite nicely, ever since he had written the song they now called "Haiboku"(Defeat) at Hiro's house that night. It seemed to have re-energized him somehow and made him want to try again. Shuichi was almost ready to declare that he could live on his own forever…when he saw it.

Now that the evening had set in, Hiro had taken them home. They had jokingly bickered over what was for dinner the whole way there. Shuichi happily climbed the steps, in such a great mood, and then stopped suddenly. There, outside Hiro's door, was a package. The sender's name was…Ryuichi Sakuma.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey all, it's me. That author that appears occasionally to update stories. Haha...sorry I made you all wait so long. For those who don't read my little dated section in my profile(which happens more often than I update stories) things have been pretty stressful lately, and I'm trying to get a promotion at work. I have an interview for it tomorrow...(it was supposed to be Monday, but it keeps getting pushed back) So please wish me luck. Don't worry that getting it would make me update more slowly...hell, I'd probably update more often cause I'd be feeling up for it more! We're in some...financial trouble, this family. So getting the job would mean a lot of good things for us...and a hell of a lot less stress. I try to leave work at work, so when I'm at home, I try to relax and not think about it. So hopefully the stress of the position wouldn't follow me home. There is, of course, no guarantee that I'll get it...but if you guys could just wish me luck, that'd be really good. It feels like nothing happens and everything happens in this chapter all at the same time. Nothing "big" happens...Shuichi doesn't get hospitalized or move out of Yuki's house or things like that. Instead, "smaller" things happen that hint at the bad things to come. Yay for complicated plots! Enjoy, all!

Note: I was actually thinking about Tohma's name and realized that, if spelled properly with Japanese, it would definitely be Touma. I've seen it spelled every way you can think of, even within the actually official manga. So...it will be Touma from now on.

* * *

Chapter Five

Shuichi nearly slipped off of the couch in disbelief. It couldn't be possible, could it? He ran his fingers over the shiny material. It was a pair of tight-looking, black leather pants. Somehow, just by touching them, he could tell that the other singer had worn them at _least_ once. Hiro didn't quite understand his excitement over it, but then, he had to remember that for the first time in his life…his best friend was not a part of an inside joke he had. It was a strange feeling, but very desirable at the same time. He searched the box frantically for some kind of note, a card…anything that would explain the pants in his hands. Instead, at the very bottom of said box, he found a small, colorful pamphlet that read "Japan Airways" across the cover, and inside was a ticket…to America. New York, specifically, where Ryuichi would be forced to reside for the next year of his life, if not longer.

And suddenly, just when he had started getting used to being without, it mattered to him all over again, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. The thoughts poured through his head furiously as shaking hands grasped the papers all too tightly: Was Ryuichi happy in America? Did he fit in well? Could he speak English by now? Was he singing only in English? Was he making movies? Had he dyed his hair? Did he go to all the biggest parties with all the American stars? Did he not want to come back to Japan anymore? Would he…be staying there for the rest of his life? Only one thing was really clear in his mind: _Ryuichi wants to see me. He __**misses**__ me._ Which instantly made him think of Yuki, who never missed him at all. He hadn't heard a peep out of the writer and could only assume that he was quite happy living alone with just his peace and quiet for company. The way it had been before the young singer had come-, no, _barged_ into his life. The way he _liked _it. Shuichi frowned at the thought, but the look held determination. _If that's the way you…really want it, then you can have it that way! __Someone_ cared about him, even if that someone was far away…and it gave him a new kind of strength. Yuki had never been supportive of their relationship, and aside from one session of lying through his teeth to the press when he could no longer get away with screwing the boy in private, he had either denied their being related in any way, or used it to his advantage. It had gotten rid of his sister quite nicely, once, right after they had met. Pushing those things to the back of his mind, he allowed himself to smile just a little. It had only been about a month, and he'd been keeping himself nicely preoccupied with other things, but now, faced with his idol's existence again…he realized it felt like it'd been an eternity since they stood together in that empty parking lot overlooking a part of Shibuya…since Ryuichi had said goodbye.

"Hiro…"

The confused guitarist stared at his best friend questioningly. "Yeah?"

"Think I could get away with going on vacation?"

* * *

There was a loud, resounding knock at the door, and although Yuki would rather die in a fire than admit it, he sprung from his seat on the couch to answer it. Because maybe, just _maybe_…it was a certain blond singer that he had seen on TV incessantly for the past three and a half weeks. He had appeared on talk shows, celebrity game shows, music shows, the more gossipy news stations…Shuichi was _everywhere._ He couldn't prevent the disappointment that came over his face when he flung the door open, only to find a _different_ blond standing there. A blond that he found even _more_ annoying. It was none other than his dear brother-in-law.

"What the fuck do you want, Seguchi?"

Touma never missed any detail, and could read people like an open book. He knew exactly why the door had opened faster than usual and why he was greeted by a look of strained resentment. Smiling politely as always, he lifted a small box in his hands so that Yuki could see it clearly. Strawberry cream cakes. "Can't I check up on you sometimes? I haven't heard anything of you in weeks…"

The writer twitched. _Damn sneaky bastard!_ He _knew_ Yuki couldn't refuse those and often used them as a means to get more than his foot in the door before the angsty man could stomp on it. He snatched the box from the other's hands and stalked off, plopping right back onto the couch.

The shorter man took that as Yuki-speak for 'Why, yes, come right in, my dear brother!' and let himself inside, closing the door behind him. Touma slipped his shoes off and followed the writer into the living room. Instantly taking in every little detail, he frowned. "Eiri-san…"

Yuki managed an annoyed glace in his 'brother's' direction before continuing to stuff his face. This, it seemed, was the closest he was willing to get to showing any care for the other's words at the moment.

The TV was not only on, but blaring quite loudly-on a _music_ program, no less-yet at the same time, Yuki's laptop was on the coffee table, open. The blond had clearly been writing something…_while_ watching TV? _You hate it when I so much as stand in the room while you write…_ Touma gingerly took a seat next to the grumpy writer. After a moment of choosing his words carefully, he simply stated "…you miss him."

"Don't be stupid." But he refused to make eye contact.

Touma smirked, ever so slightly. "Yes, I see you're greatly enjoying your newfound opportunities for quality quiet time."

"Fuck off." With that, he shoved the last cake into his mouth whole.

"Now, really, Eiri-san. You know you shouldn't eat all of those! You'll get fat."

"What did you come here for?"

"Oh, you know me…I just wanted to chat. I took an extra long lunch, just for you! Doesn't that make you happy?"

Yuki shot him a dark glare, quickly losing patience. "No."

"Oh? That's too bad…" He tried to look hurt. "To tell you the truth, I was hoping you could tell me something…but from the looks of it, you can't."

This piqued his interest, at least slightly. "And what's that?"

He shook his head sadly. "It looks like Shuichi hasn't been living here for a while, so I don't think you'd know."

"Shuichi?" Now he _had_ to know. "You already knew he moved out. Don't play dumb, Seguchi." _I know you knew because you accused me of missing him. There's **one** error for your perfectly played out speech._

"I didn't know, really!" He put his hands up defensively. "I know he was hospitalized…oh, but wasn't that because he missed Ryuichi's flight?" The other blond snorted as if in conformation. "With how well he's been doing at work, I had no idea...until I walked in here, that is."

_That's not right…_ Yuki lit one up and stared down at his ashtray. _He's always a mess after this happens. He skips work for weeks on end. It destroys him. _"What were you going to ask? Spit it out or leave."

"Well, I just wanted to see if you knew…why Shuichi is taking a two week vacation, when his album comes out next month. But…" He sighed dramatically. "I guess you wouldn't know. I thought it might have been to spend time with you. I was going to tease you about being the sentimental type…"

"…"

"Where could he be going, I wonder…?"

"…get out, Seguchi." _Where…_

"…should you feel that you need anything, please call on me, Eiri-san."

Yuki growled. "What could you possibly do but _annoy_ me?"

Touma turned completely serious. "I would do…absolutely anything for you, Eiri-san. Anything you asked."

"Anything, huh…?" He put out his cigarette. "Even if I told you…to kill someone?"

"Anyone." He stood, grabbing the hat he had discarded at some point. "No one is more important to me than you are, Eiri-"

"And yet I can't get you to leave me the hell alone?!"

"Well…" He smiled back at the writer. "I guess that's the one thing I _won't_ do, even if you ask. I…" He moved towards the door, stepping down and slipping his shoes back on. "I won't abandon you in your time of need…like others." _Shuichi Shindou…will regret the day he left you._

"…whatever. Get out."

"I'm going, I'm going…but you really should turn that TV down. Do you want to be deaf someday?"

"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you! Get out!"

With a small wave, Touma left at last, closing the door behind him gently.

Yuki slumped down against the nearest wall and covered his face with his hands.

"_Where could he be going, I wonder…?"_

_Where…?_

"_With how well he's been doing at work, I had no idea."_

'_Vacation'…?__Where are you going…Shuichi?_ But he had a sinking feeling that…he already knew.

* * *

The following day, Shuichi was happily taking a shower, quietly singing his new tunes to himself, to make sure he knew the lyrics. Suddenly, a loud Nittle Grasper song exploded on the other side of the curtain. Shuichi jumped with a little shriek, his first thought that someone had snuck into the bathroom. Quickly realizing it was his phone, he turned off the water and snatched it up in his slippery fingers. He could have smacked himself when he realized his disappointment at the song. _It's not Yuki._ He shook his head furiously. _Stop it, Shuichi! He wouldn't call anyway! He's happy just the way he is…and…and so am I!_ He flipped the phone open just before it could go to his voicemail. "H-Hello?" He flinched at his own nervous voice, feeling like a stupid high school girl getting a call from her crush.

"Shuichi! Did you get my package?"

"Uh…yeah. Yeah, I did…"

"Sweet! Did you like it?" He sounded so hyped up, it was hard to imagine what strange American drinks he must have been consuming.

The energy did seem to rub off somehow, he noticed. "Yeah! They're awesome! Did you buy them there, in New York?"

"You bet! I wore them a few times for some photo shoots and I said 'You know what, Kumagoro? These are really comfy! And Shuichi needs pants!' and he agreed. So I sent them to you and bought another pair-in red!"

He wasn't sure if that logic made sense. _You buy a pair of pants you like and so instead of buying a pair for your friend, you give them the pair you have and buy a new pair for yourself? Wait…_ "…red?" Shuichi could just picture the older singer in a loose, black dress shirt that was only buttoned up half way and a pair of tight red leather pants. He gulped, as if trying to swallow the weird feeling he was getting, that he figured he shouldn't be having. "That's pretty hot…" He mumbled.

"What's that, Shuichi? You have to talk louder, because the signal has to travel so far!…or something, right?"

"I-It was nothing! Listen, um…I'm definitely coming to New York! I was able to take two weeks off from work…"

"Was it hard to do?"

He could practically see the cute brunet tilting his head to the side, looking puzzled. "I thought it would be for sure, but…Seguchi-san just said that he didn't mind as long as I was sure I could get the album finished. And it just needs a few little tweaks, so I'm leaving that up to Hiro."

Ryuichi's voice had lost its childish sparkle. "…oh, really? Just like that?" _That doesn't sound like Touma at all. What's he doing…?_ He had always known that the blond was sneaky and did shady things, but he had never felt the need to concern himself with it until now.

Shuichi was a little taken aback by the sudden seriousness of his friend's voice. "Uh…yeah, just like that. I was kind of surprised…"

But just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. "I have so much to show you in New York, Shuichi! We'll have so much fun! You have to try their pizza!"

_Pizza? I'm more worried about where I'll be sleeping!_ He sweat dropped. "Oh, yeah, pizza. I bet it rocks."

"It sure does!" There was a small pause. "Oh, I wasn't interrupting you, was I, Shuichi? I don't really know what time it is…"

Blinking, the blond looked down at his nakedness and his very slight hard-on. After all, he hadn't been with Yuki for almost a month, and he realized that he was starting to really miss the sex, even though the writer had been more than rough. "Uh…no, not really…"

"Well, I have an interview in a half hour! I'll be picking you up at the airport…in a few days?" _The time difference is so screwy!_ "I'll see you soon, Shuichi!" _I…_

"Okay! Bye, Ryuichi."

"Bye bye!"

_Click_.

He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. _Our names are so similar…_ It didn't really bother him, though, and he put it down. As he started the warm spray again, he looked down, deciding that he _really_ had to do something about his lower regions. And for the first time in a really long time, he jerked off while thinking about someone other than Yuki Eiri.

* * *

Two days later, there was an anonymous text to Yuki's cell phone which read: _Japan Airways, 10AM Gate 13G. Tokyo, Japan to New York, New York._

He gripped the small phone until his knuckles turned white. _New York…_ The writer tossed the piece of plastic down and sneered at it. _Fuck it. If he wants to go there to see that freak, let him. He's none of my concern anymore._ Still, he stared down at it while he lit another cigarette. It was 9 AM and he'd just pulled another all-nighter to finish by the deadline, which was today. His editor would be over in a half hour to collect the manuscript, which meant he couldn't sleep until then.

Hating himself more by the minute, he grabbed his coat, car keys and the envelope and went out the door, slamming it behind himself. He dropped the packet down outside of it, knowing she would find it, and therefore, he concluded, could have no complaints. He went down to the garage and jumped into his car, closing the door much harder than necessary, then taking off well over the speed limit.

* * *

Shuichi took a deep breath before letting it out in the form of a light sigh. He was a little nervous being back in the airport again after what happened a month ago when Ryuichi left. He hadn't been able to stop the brunet, and he was still torn on the matter. On the one hand, if he had succeeded, Ryuichi's American debut and relationship with the big company XMR would have been ruined…but at least he would have stayed. But was that what he really wanted? He didn't even know yet…and that might have turned into a disaster, too. On the other hand, the way it went, things had turned out alright. He was a little lonely, but he was learning to work hard all on his own. Before, all his power and inspiration had come from Yuki. This, he realized, was wrong in so many ways. Ryuichi had asked him if he loved singing...and he knew that he did. After he had written Haiboku at Hiro's house that night, he hadn't been able to come up with another song.

"_Hiro…Bad Luck is finished, isn't it…? And all because of me…"_

"_What do you mean? The lyrics are great. We're making it into a really awesome song."_

"_But what about the next song? I can't…if I just keep writing about how broken I am, every song will sound the same…"_

"_Mm…well, you know…you always had a lot of inspiration before."_

"_But now Yuki's gone…"_

"_Is that where it all came from? But where did this last song come from, Shuichi?"_

"_Uh…well, technically, it still came from Yuki-"_

"_Wrong."_

"…_huh?"_

"_It came from how __**you**__ felt __**about**__ Yuki-san. Before, you were driven by Ryuichi Sakuma, and wanting to be like him. Real inspiration…doesn't come from a particular person. You draw it from yourself. Your feelings, thoughts, life experiences. Your experience with Yuki, your feelings about it…that's what wrote this song. The other songs were good, but they all held the same message. Bands that spend their whole career only writing about love and how great it is and how much they want it…that's why they disappear. You __**need**__ to write about the darker side of life sometimes. People can feel that…they can connect with it. And then there's a million things unrelated to love that you can write about, too. Words are just words unless you use them in the right way, aren't they?"_

Shuichi knew that his best friend was right. That's why this album was entirely different from their previous ones. Darker, perhaps, but on a whole new level from their other work. He was less willing to spend as much time coming up with extra techno beats to add in, so he had let Hiro's love of Rock run away with it. In the end, he decided that that was probably best. Seguchi was pleased and seemed convinced that there would be big sales. _That's probably the only reason he let me leave…_ Shuichi realized.

"Flight 213 to New York, New York is now boarding at gate 13G. Please proceed…"

Shuichi grabbed his carry-on bag and stood, slinging it over his shoulder. "Here we go…" But he had barely taken three steps in the direction of the gate's front counter when a deep voice, close behind him, stopped him in his tracks.

"Get on that plane…and you'll never see me again."


	6. Chapter 6

Hey all! It's been a long time. You know, looking over my Reviews Awaiting Reply folder, I couldn't help but notice that this story is...REALLY popular! So I'd like to thank you all for your reviews and sticking with me this long. No, the story isn't over! There's much more to come. This chapter was really hard for me. Except for some tiny parts in Gravitation(the manga) and a bit of Gravitation EX(which I don't really like, so I don't like to use it for reference) there aren't a WHOLE lot of serious!Ryuichi moments, ya know? So I have to take what I know about him and just tr to make it as accurate as possible. So let me know how I did, okay? Me-ish updates are in my profile, as always. I'm sorry this took so long, guys. I'll try to be faster from now on. But life isn't kind(as usual)...I've been sick a lot recently and such. Ugh, it's hot out today. Well, enjoy!

This chapter is dedicated to: FoodFrenzyDelite(I don't hate Yuki either, but I love Ryu! Sorry if Shu's choice disappoints...), cal(I love Ryu, too! :D), Carrie(I'll never quit!), mystice(Yeah, I must have a cliffhanger fetish or something cause I always do it, to every story, every chapter XD), lain(so instead of getting promoted, the store closes down and I lose my job. Funny, eh? But thanks anyway!), moo(thank you! Your review almost accidentily got lost in another folder, but I found it!) for their awesome reviews that were left with no way to reply! -cries- Love you, guys!

* * *

_Chapter Six_

"Get on that plane…and you'll never see me again."

Shuichi's heart nearly stopped beating at the very sound of a certain blond writer's smooth, threatening voice. "Y-Yuki…?" He whipped around, unbelieving.

There he stood in all his dubious glory, looking much the same as he always had. Hair a little shorter, perhaps, but with the same look of disinterest that he had always shown the singer. Beautiful, sure…but even weapons of mass destruction have been given such a title. "Who else?" He bit out in irritation.

_It…can't be._ "Why…" The shorter blond cleared his throat, trying to overcome his immense surprise. "Why…are you here?"

Icy eyes narrowed. "I thought that much would be obvious."

_No, it's not!_ Shuichi was beyond frustrated with his apparent inability to speak his mind and felt defeated just by standing in the blond's presence. "I…I don't understand…"

"I moved." He answered without hesitation, his look of disgust only intensifying at the things that came to mind as he spoke. "You can go on your little so-called 'vacation' to go fuck around with that freak, Sakuma, but if you do, I'll make sure you never find me again."

_N-No way…never…again?_ "…and…if I…don't go…?" He whispered brokenly, feeling his resolve to be independent shatter into a million tiny pieces…or was that his heart?

"Then I give you this key..." He held up the small silver item, dangling it by the cheap metal ring it was attached to. "…and you move back in." _For now, anyway. Until you annoy me again, probably. _He felt the slightest twinge of guilt. Why keep him at all if he couldn't stand the singer? Why go through all the trouble to hold onto something he didn't want? He couldn't answer the questions that bothered him on a daily basis-that's why he continued to see his therapist. _It's his own damn fault anyway. He has a talent for annoying the hell out of me._

"I…" _But I…I promised Ryuichi…_

"Final call for Flight 213 to New York, New York at gate 13G. Please proceed…"

_Ryu…ichi…_ He stared at the key, never more unsure in his life. "…"

It ticked Yuki off that he should have to think about it for any length of time. The singer was supposed to instantly jump him, crying oceans and screaming his apologies and undying love for the writer at the top of his lungs…even though it would piss him off, should he do such a thing in public. "Is that a no?" He moved to shove the key into his pocket.

Shuichi instinctively snatched it from the writer's fingers. "No! I…" _I'm…so sorry, Ryuichi!_ "I'll…stay."

"Then hurry up." He turned on his heel and walked away, leaving the singer to hurry after him, though his energy had completely seeped out and vanished. Although a little disappointed in Shuichi's reaction, a small smirk tugged at the corners of his frown. _I thought so. Like hell if some old bastard is going to take you from me._

For the whole car ride, Shuichi could only stare at the jeans pocket that held his phone. _I…should call. Or at least send a text. I…don't want to make him…wait for me…_ But his fingers wouldn't move. He knew it was the ultimate of screw ups. _What if…__**Ryuichi**__ doesn't want to see me ever again? What if he…hates me now?_ He tried to decide which was worse, decide who he could deal with never seeing again, but no answer was found. _I guess I still…love Yuki, after all._ He realized, just when he was so sure that he might have been ready to try again. He knew that, had Yuki not shown up at the airport, he definitely would have gone. And what then? He could only speculate what might have taken place over his two weeks with the older singer. It was pointless to think about now, anyway, he knew.

_What the hell is his problem?_ Yuki glanced at the now-blond singer. "What, did you finally learn how to be quiet or something?"

_Same old Yuki…_ "…" Without answering, he sighed lightly and stared out the window, cell phone still untouched. _Am I…still the same? All this time thinking, all those songs I wrote…what were they for? What should I do? But I guess…I already made that choice. It's…too late._

* * *

On the other side of the globe, a certain brunet waited patiently in red leather pants, a black sleeveless shirt and an unbuttoned white dress shirt over that. But the passengers came and went, his expected guest of honor never appearing. He checked the arrival time on his copy of Shuichi's ticket, then checked his watch. Taking a glance at the board, he noted that flight 213 had indeed come in on time, therefore concluding that the most recent flood of passengers had come from there. _So you didn't come after all, Shuichi…?_

"_I'm definitely coming to New York! I was able to take two weeks off from work…"_

He also concluded that there was only one thing in the entire world that could possibly stop his best friend from coming to see him:

_Yuki Eiri_.

Cobalt eyes narrowed dangerously as he reached up, pulling red sunglasses from his hair before slipping them back over his nose. _I see how it is._ He sighed, pulling out his phone. The brunet had recently gotten a newer model shipped to his door from Japan and had it activated with his number just a day ago. He had happily stuck his favorite picture of himself and Shuichi, one in which they were particularly close together, to the dark red plastic and now stared at it mournfully.

"_Memories!"_

_What…should I do now? I let Shuichi know how I felt and let him decide for himself what to do. When he left you on his own, I was so sure that…at least he wasn't so easily fooled by you anymore. I'd heard about how well he's been doing, I'd read about it…he really seemed to be…okay. Not at all broken and alone like I had feared, which is why I sent him that ticket in the first place. And I was so…happy to hear it._ He began dialing while he headed for the front desk. _Whatever you've done, Yuki Eiri…you won't get away with it. Shuichi isn't nearly as stupid as you think he is…and neither am I. _And now, Ryuichi Sakuma had two weeks and absolutely _no_ plans for them. _I'm through…playing nice._

He tried to hide his bad mood as his call was answered. "Hey, I need a favor…"

* * *

Shuichi stood in the hallway, fidgeting nervously. Yuki had taken his bags and tossed them into the bedroom carelessly before plopping onto the couch to smoke, exhausted from his all-nighter. He had noted that the manuscript was indeed gone upon his return. The editor had left no note, so he could only figure that she would call at a later time. "Will you sit down already? You're pissing me off!"

The singer flinched at the harsh words before coming to sit next to his…lover? Ex-lover? He didn't even know anymore. Not too close, but not too far. _I've been around him for over a year…why do I feel so nervous now?_ He went to set his phone down on the table, barely able to realize his mistake and flip it over in time. On the front of his phone, he had once had a picture of himself and Yuki from a special date they had shared. But in only a week and a half away from the blond writer, it had become too painful to stare at anymore. He had carefully peeled it off and stuck it to the back of a small famed picture of the same man. Yuki would never have been sentimental enough to give him a larger photo or even pose for one-Shuichi had to buy a girls' magazine and cut it out. He found himself smiling at the memory, but it disappeared just as quickly. _Ryuichi just kind of…__**gives**__ his stuff away. I even have one of his rings!_ But Shuichi had yet to wear said ring, as he couldn't seem to decide which finger to put it on. This was a good thing, he figured, since he wasn't as into the finger ornaments as the brunet, and Yuki probably would have known instantly where it came from. _Not that that's any of his business! …but it is, now, isn't it? I told him…that I would stay. Does that mean that we're a couple again?_ _So…I should be happy, right?_ When he had gotten out of the shower a few days ago, after the older singer had called him, he had chosen one of the pictures from their day in Shibuya and stuck it on his phone instead. They weren't a couple, but they were good friends…and with Yuki gone 'forever', it only seemed natural to move on as quickly as possible; focusing on what he did have rather than what he had so painfully lost.

Shuichi couldn't help feeling a little guilty as he placed his phone, picture side down, on the table. _Why…should I feel…? __**You **__kicked __**me**__ out! I told you I wanted to stay and you said…you said…_

"_I…I'd like to stay. But if you don't want me-"_

"_Of course I don't."_

"Hey, Yuki…"

He glanced over at the other blond briefly before leaning forward to put out his cigarette, disliking the tone in the boy's voice. "What?"

"I was wondering…." He felt that he was stepping into dangerous territory already and he had barely begun to speak. "…why did you kick me out? And then, why change your mind after that? Why did you come all that way to get me when you said you…don't want me?"

"_Why_?" Yuki twitched at the dreaded word. His shrink asked him the same thing all the time and he couldn't stand it. He glared predictably before grabbing the front of Shuichi's shirt. "I don't _know_ why and I don't _care_! So stop asking me _why_! Maybe I did it because I _felt_ like it. And maybe I'll kick you out _again_ in two days if I _feel_ like it. You got a _problem_ with that, you little punk?"

"I…" _I __**should**__ have a problem with it!_

But before any other thought was possible, Yuki nabbed his vulnerable lips in a rough kiss. Just like that, all rational thought disappeared. No matter how cruel his lover was, Shuichi just couldn't stay mad at him. Purely about satisfying the writer, who had gotten really tired of a handful of loose chicks in the past month, that night held no passion at all. Shuichi's whining and cries fell on deaf, uncaring ears as he asked himself a million times: _What am I doing…?_ Never before had he felt so broken while being held in Yuki's arms.

* * *

It was Friday again and Yuki was predictably gone. Shuichi had seen him leave around ten and hadn't bothered to ask; he knew exactly what response he'd get.

"_Shut up. It's none of your business."_

_But isn't it my business when we're a couple…? He always wants to know where __**I**__ am… _With a sigh, Shuichi crawled out of the large, empty bed slowly and painfully. _I can't believe I'm here again…I can't believe I let that jerk take me so easily! 'Maybe I'll kick you out again in two days if I feel like it'? What the fuck!_ He found his bag and opened it up, needing fresh clothes for after his shower. _I'll have to go to Hiro's and get my stuff…_ He froze at the sight of black leather pants, which were right on top. He had thought of wearing them that day, but had decided against it. After all, it would have been more fun to wait until Ryuichi wore his so they could match.

"_**Good riddance."**_

_What am I doing…?_ He wondered if Yuki would have burned them if he had known of their existence…and that's when the doorbell rang. "Crap!" _Did Yuki forget his key? It's kind of early…maybe he didn't stop at the store this time. _He grabbed the aforementioned pants, stuck going commando for the moment since he had been naked. Barely getting the zipper up by the time he had gotten to the door, and figuring that it was Yuki anyway, he decided to forget about the button. The blond hastily unlocked the door and threw it open…then stared, immobilized in his horror.

There stood Ryuichi Sakuma looking more gorgeous than ever in skin-tight red leather pants and an open white dress shirt. He had removed the black sleeveless shirt some time ago, as it had become a little too toasty for his liking. His hair had grown a little in the time he'd been away and it still looked glossy and styled, even after being blown around in the wind. The brunet had grown fond of sticking his sunglasses up on his head whenever he didn't want them on his face. Despite the sun-catching that his red-framed shades implied, he hadn't tanned at all.

The younger singer's breath caught in his throat and he didn't know whether to give a sobbing apology or run away at lightning speed to go jerk off in the bathroom as he stood there, wide-eyed. "Saku-Ryu-you-I-we-Yuki-he…" The blond sputtered nonsensically.

Ryuichi's expression darkened into a nasty scowl. "_Shuichi_…" He began in a low, threatening tone as he leaned in close to the other's face. "…you stood me up." Not being able to take his best friend's look of utter terror any longer, he broke into a grin, trying not to laugh too hard. "So I came to _you_, instead! Did you miss your flight? You could have just taken another one." He couldn't help but eye the other's pants, noting how delicious he made them look. _My, my…you've got nothing on under there, have you…?_

Shuichi gaped like a fish out of water before dropping into a ninety degree bow. "I-I'm so sorry Sa-Ryuichi! I…I…"

He smacked him on the back good naturedly, almost sending him into a nose dive towards the floor. "It's okay, Shuichi! I missed home, anyway. But I didn't think it would be so _hot_ today!" He took the liberty of skipping in, barely removing his shoes in favor of slippers before turning the corner and diving onto the leather couch.

The blond singer followed slowly in a daze, leaving the door wide open. _**You're**__ what's hot today!_ He mussed up his hair in irritation, practically ready to pull it out. _Gah, I skipped my flight to go see him in order to move back in with Yuki so we could do the nasty five times a day in every position imaginable! I shouldn't be thinking like that about Ryuichi! What's wrong with me?!_ Though it didn't occur to him at the time, Shuichi had been completely entranced by the ex-lead singer of Nittle Grasper ever since the first time he had seen him on TV and heard his clear, smooth voice. It had stirred something inside of him and from that day on there was nothing else in the world he would rather do. Every day of his life he had strived to be someone worthy of being mentioned in the same breath with Ryuichi Sakuma. He hardly understood how he had been befriended by the man…he only knew how it broke his heart every time he seemed to be disappointed in him.

Said idol propped himself up on one elbow, which made him look like a photo in a dirty magazine. "What's with the new place, anyway, Shuichi? I had to ask around to find out where you'd gone!" And it had definitely ticked him off at the time. He didn't want to have to call the singer, himself, since it would ruin the element of surprise. Luckily, Hiro had gotten a text that night from the blond, admitting to what he'd done. The guitarist of Bad Luck had been severely disappointed, and Ryuichi had had a long talk with him.

Shuichi tried his hardest not to get a nasty nosebleed. After all, Yuki would kill him if he got blood all over the white carpets. "This house…that is…I…"

Noting the blond's trouble at finding the words, Ryuichi sat up and waved him over, his voice deep and quiet. "C'mere, Shuichi."

As if unable to resist, he walked over and sat down hesitantly. "…"

"So, what happened?"

He was silent a moment more before taking a deep breath and letting it all out, almost without stopping. "I was at the airport, I _intended_ to go. I was all packed and ready, waiting for my flight, but then he…Yuki…" He turned and latched onto the brunet in tears. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Ryuichi!"

Ryuichi returned the embrace with a frown, petting the other's soft hair while trying hard to focus on anything other than the warm breath on his bare chest. "…"

It was a big weight off his shoulders to be able to tell the story to Ryuichi and beg forgiveness-not that he felt that he deserved it. "But Yuki showed up and said that if I went I'd never see him again! And I shouldn't have cared, since he kicked me out but I…I don't know…so he gave me a key to his new place…he wants me to move back in…but I…"

Ryuichi's frown deepened as it became perfectly obvious what they had done last night. _A dirty trick…but no one should have known about Shuichi's departure information except for Hiroshi and me. __**That**__ was your mistake. _"But you…don't want to?" He tried hopefully.

"That's just it: I don't know! Yuki said…he might kick me out in a few days, anyway…"

_Geez, that's blunt, even for him. _The brunet sighed, trying to sort out his feelings. This was no time to be trying to win the blond's favor, and while he wasn't surprised at what Shuichi had done, he was frustrated nonetheless. Though he had known that something like this awaited him, he still felt inadequately prepared to deal with it. "Do you remember why you moved out of his apartment in the first place?"

Yuki knew something was amiss the moment he approached the open front door and found an extra pair of shoes there. He cast off his own, dropped down his bags and set off for the living room in his socks, since he had only had two pairs of slippers, which meant _someone else_ was wearing his.

"Because…he told me to…"

"_**Good riddance.**__"_

"That's right. And what's changed since then, I wonder…?" He held Shuichi more tightly as he gave the entering pissed blond writer a smile that would melt any normal man's heart and called out in a sing-song voice. "Hello, Yuki-san!" _Jealous much?_

Shuichi was just about to ponder the brunet's words when the name made his blood run cold. He turned, ever-so-slowly, to peer up at the angry man.

The ash fell off of Yuki's cigarette as he stared. _What the __**hell**__ is with that look? Why the fuck are you here, Sakuma?! _He towered over them and growled. "Both of you get the fuck out!" He had taken one look at them and completely blown up. Shuichi was shirtless, his pants unbuttoned, in the arms of another man who, surprisingly, _had_ a shirt…that was hanging open.

The blond singer pulled away from his friend to protest. "Yuki! Wait! It's not what it looks like!"

"I don't give a _fuck_ what it is! I don't know what the hell possessed you to let this pedophile in here, but you two freaks can go be queer together somewhere else!" When Shuichi didn't leave on his own, Yuki grabbed the sobbing chibi and punted him towards the door. He glared at Ryuichi next. "Are you waiting to get a foot up your ass, too, or what?"

"Oh, don't worry, I'm leaving." The brunet stood, but paused on his way past the writer. "How is it that you came upon his flight information, anyway…?"

"I don't have to answer your questions."

Ryuichi shrugged. "Fair enough. Well, if Shuichi can't sleep here, I guess I'll borrow him for a couple weeks. You won't miss him, right?"

"Fuck off!" _Why are you trying to take him from me? What do you care? Do you even __**like**__ him? Or have you just got some kind of fucked up agenda?_

"Heh, you're awfully confident, aren't you? You really seem to believe that, no matter what…Shuichi will always come back to you. Is that right?"

"I don't think a psycho like you is entitled to give that kind of analysis." He shot back, crossing his arms defiantly.

He shrugged again, staring him down with serious cobalt eyes. "I'm just saying that maybe you should be careful how many times you kick him. Some day, you might regret it. Good day, Yuki-san." He made his way out and before he knew it, the door was being slammed in their faces.

"Yuuuukiiii…" The sad blond whined over and over while banging on the door.

"C'mon, Shuichi. You're used to this, aren't you?" He stretched lazily. "We know when we're not wanted. My bags are still in my rental car, so you can have a shirt. Then we'll go hang out, okay?"

"But…Yuki…"

He narrowed his eyes slightly, losing patience fast after a long flight and sleepless night on a strange couch. "Do you know why I'm here, Shuichi?" Before an answer could be given, he once again leaned in close to the younger singer. "We agreed to spend two weeks together. I'm not very happy that you blew me off for someone like _him_, but I got on the very first flight to Tokyo when you didn't show up. And that's because I _want_ to be with you. Unlike _him_, I enjoy your company…and I was under the impression that you felt the same. If I'm wrong, I'd think you'd better tell me now."

_I knew it, he's really mad about me not going!_ This, however, just caused more tears. "I'm sorry, Ryuichi! I didn't hurt your feelings, did I? When I ended up going with Yuki, I really, really wanted to call, but I just couldn't seem to! And then I had to hide my phone because it's got your picture and I wasn't sure if you hated me and never wanted to see me again and…"

Ryuichi rubbed his temple with a pained expression. _At least…you were thinking about me. I guess, right now…I can't ask for more than that._ "Well, I don't hate you. We're together now, aren't we? So make it up to me." He grabbed Shuichi's hand, pulling him towards the elevator. "Okay, let's go!" _I think you need a drink. I think __**I**__ need a drink. Let's go get smashed or something._

Yuki stayed there for some time, with his back to the door. After their voices faded, he headed for the couch, his blood boiling. _What's that bastard playng at?_ The blond writer felt a little light headed as he stepped on something and almost tripped. Picking up the offending cell phone, that belonged to none other than Shuichi, he was greeted with a picture of said boy with Ryuichi Sakuma, both looking extremely happy. If memory served him right, _his_ picture with Shuichi had been there before. The phone had clearly fallen off the table in the shuffle. _So what if…I don't smile in my photos…? _He squeezed it so hard that his knuckles turned white before throwing it against the opposite wall, watching as it broke into several pieces. He leaned against the wall behind him and slid to the floor slowly. _You can __**keep**__ that brat. I don't care what he does._ _He's nothing…but a headache._ His heart wouldn't seem to slow and he coughed a few times. Sticky red blood appeared on his hands and his throat felt tight as he tried to control the coughs. _Shu…ichi…_ And he soon blacked out.

* * *

"An' I shoulda said no, ya know? Cause Yuki's the bastard who kicked me out an' said ta never come back, ya know? But I couldn't decide cause I don't wanna be without either of ya _forever_, ya know?" Shuichi slurred after far too many drinks.

Ryuichi wished for the hundredth time that he hadn't appointed himself the designated driver, so that he wouldn't have to remember this conversation in the morning either. For the most part, Shuichi had gone on and on about how Yuki pissed him off, and yet… _Why are you still with him? What does he have that I don't? He doesn't even care about you!_ "You don't say." He took another sip of his sake casually, savoring the only glass he'd get for this evening.

"Yeah! 'Zactly! But…what am I gonna do, Ryu-chi? I don't wanna…give up on Yuki but…I like yooou, too…yer so nice ta me…all the time…an' so…pretty…"

Ryuichi blinked. _Pretty…?_

"Ugh…I think…I'mma…barf…"

The brunet quickly rushed him to the bathroom, letting him hack it all up while he rubbed his back gently. "I think that's enough for you…" _Well, this was inevitable. I took him here on purpose, anyway. He sure seemed to like the idea._ He stared at the ceiling thoughtfully before helping him to the sink. "Ready to go?"

He washed up, trying to ignore his awful reflection, and seemed a little more sober. "Yeah…"

* * *

Ryuichi chose a nice hotel and checked them in before helping the woozy blond to their suite. The man at the front counter had given them funny looks as they stumbled into the elevator, but seemed to dismiss it as two friends with issues, who had only requested one bed to save money. Having only two bags, he didn't require any help getting them there. He stuck the keycard into the lock and it beeped, signaling that the door had opened. Shuichi practically fell inside and the older singer tried his hardest not to laugh. The lights had a dial, which meant that he could turn them half way for dim lighting.

Ryuichi dropped his bags by the small table before peeling the blond up off the floor. "Are you okay, Shuichi…? You're really plastered!"

"Ryu-chi…" Came a whiney voice. "Why doesn't…Yuki like me…?"

This caught him by surprise and he struggled to come up with some kind of answer. _How should __**I**__ know? I'd like to ask how he can possibly __**not**__ like you!_ _Because…_ Violet eyes met cobalt suddenly as Shuichi looked up at him pleadingly. "Uh…" _…if he did, I think…I could just walk away from this-from you. It would be okay, if he loved you. But…he doesn't. So I…_

"_You_ like me, don't chu, Ryu-chi…?"

"…yeah, I do."

Shuichi leaned closer. "You really are…beautiful, Ryu-chi…" But their lips barely touched before he promptly passed out in Ryuichi's arms.

_What timing. But he's drunk, anyway…it's not like he means it. And when he wakes up, he probably won't even remember it. _The brunet sighed loudly before dragging the blond to the bed so that he could sleep the afternoon away. He removed the other singer's shoes and placed them at the door with his own before plopping down on the bed next to the snoozing boy. _Beautiful, huh…?_ Deciding that a nap couldn't hurt after a long flight and so many disappointments, he grabbed Kumagoro and curled up on his side, facing the windows that showed a dark sky and the last remnants of a setting sun. But sleep still wouldn't come to him.

The night before, his first stop had been Yuki's old apartment. Upon finding it to be vacant, he had gone straight to Hiroshi's house.

_He had been rather surprised to find the singer on the other side of his door. "Uh…"_

"_Nakano-san…" Ryuichi stared at the ground, sadly before meeting his eyes. "Where is Shuichi…?"_

_Hiro gave the other brunet a sympathetic look before ushering him inside the small complex. "You look like you already know."_

_Ryuichi plopped onto the couch, exhausted and hurt, beginning to wonder why the hell he had even come. "…I know that he's with Yuki Eiri."_

_He nodded, even if the other couldn't see it. Bringing hot tea from the kitchen, he had a seat next to the troubled singer. "He text me a couple hours ago, saying that Yuki-san was taking him back. He still has to take the rest of his stuff from here…I have the address, if you want it."_

_Ryuichi sipped the tea slowly. "I…" He stared down at the green liquid with a frown. "I don't know. Maybe…it's none of my business."_

"_Really? I think it's your business…"_

"…" _He put the cup down suddenly. "No. No, it isn't. He was supposed to come see me…but we're only friends. It's not like he belongs to me." The brunet stood suddenly, moving for the door. "If he doesn't want to see me, if he chooses Yuki Eiri…then that's it. If that's…who he loves…" He grabbed the knob o the front door, hesitating slightly. "I'm sorry for bothering you, Nakano-san. And please tell him that…I…"_

"…_wait." Hiro had gotten up at some point and had now grabbed Ryuichi's shoulder, turning him slightly before letting go and bowing. "Sakuma-san…please don't give up on Shuichi!"_

_Ryuichi blinked. "But…he doesn't…I'm not…good enough." He choose Yuki, after all…_

_He straightened up. "That's not true! I think…Shuichi wants to love you."_

_The singer averted his eyes. "You must be mistaken. He loves Yuki Eiri, clearly."_

_Hiro shook his head. "You should have seen…how well he did without him. After he got over it, there wasn't a single day…that he came to work unable to sing. And when your package came, he was so happy. I wish you could have seen the look on his face." He paused a moment before continuing. "And I'd bet everything I have…that he hasn't smiled even once yet since Yuki showed up again."_

_He wondered what to do. Part of him wanted to see Shuichi more than anything, but part of him wanted to just give up this apparently losing battle. "…"_

"_At least think about it. You can sleep here, if you like. Just…think it over. Please."_

"…_alright." Ryuichi made his way back to the couch and finished his tea silently before trying to get comfortable, but knowing that he wouldn't be able to rest. He realized that maybe he would be able to sleep with Kumagoro, but the bunny was in his car…and he suddenly felt too drained to go and get him._

_Before Hiro left for his own bed, he commented. "You know…the day you left, he meant to stop you. It killed him that he was too late. And he felt that…if only you had let him know your feelings sooner, he might have been able to be with you. But, if there's anything I've learned, it's that…it's __**never**__ too late. I believe…that Shuichi needs you. I think…you're the only one who can show him that."_

"…"

_And by the next morning, Ryuichi had made up his mind and gotten the address from the guitarist. "You're right…Shuichi needs me. And I won't be Yuki Eiri…I won't let him down." He waved to the other brunet. "Thank you, Nakano-san."_

_He smiled, relieved. "You can call me Hiro."_

_Looks like…I have another friend. "Then you can call me Ryuichi." He returned the smile, a little relieved, himself, before making his way down the steps and out to his rental car._

"_Good luck!" Please help Shuichi…_

Ryuichi sighed lightly and flipped over onto his back. _I won't let my friends down. But how am I going to do this…?_ It was now after five and he was a little hungry.

* * *

By the time room service arrived, Shuichi had woken up and seemed pretty sober again. "Ugh…my head hurts…how many did I have?"

Ryuichi shrugged. "I'm not really sure…I stopped counting after eight." He handed the other singer the aspirin that he had requested with the food.

They ate in silence for some time before Shuichi spoke quietly. "How…can I get Yuki to like me…?"

Ryuichi stared down at his food, frowning. "I don't think he likes anyone."

"Sometimes…he's really kind to me."

"Yeah, but…does that really make up for all the times he isn't?"

"…" _I…guess not._ "All I ever wanted…was for Yuki to love me like I love him. Is that…so wrong…?" _Why…won't he love me?_

Ryuichi wanted to sigh. "No…that's not wrong. I think…that's kind of what everybody wants." _I know it's what I want. Don't tell me…that you've forgotten that?_ "You can stay here tonight, since he kicked you out…"

Shuichi shook his head. "No…"

"No…?"

"Yuki told me to leave…but he didn't say I couldn't come back. If he never wanted me there again, he would have said so."

_What, like last time? _The older singer was getting frustrated. _Yuki this, Yuki that. It's all we talk about. That guy shows up and the Shuichi I love is thrown out the window. It's…__**really irritating.**_"Why bother, Shuichi? He'll just kick you out again. I don't think that guy is sure of a single thing in his entire life."

"Then he can be sure…that I'll always be there!" He stood abruptly, knocking the table a little. "You don't like him, but you don't know him, either! Everyone's always saying I'm doing the wrong thing…well, how should you guys know?! You don't know Yuki! You don't know what he's like or what he's been through! If he didn't need me, he would just get rid of me for good! There's a reason we keep ending up back together…maybe it'll be a long time before Yuki will really be able to love me, but if I really love him, then I'll wait, no matter what you or anyone else says!" With that, he turned and stormed out, grabbing his shoes to put on at a later time.

_Damn it…this isn't what I meant to do…_ Ryuichi climbed onto the bed and curled up, clutching his bunny tightly. "I'm just…making things worse, aren't I, Kumagoro…? Maybe…Shuichi will never…" Tears slid down his cheeks, falling onto the rabbit. "…love me…" _What...can I do...?_

* * *

Shuichi caught a cab all the way back to Yuki's new apartment, only to be unable to get in. Both his key and his phone were inside, and the blond writer wasn't answering, no matter how loudly he called him. _What's going on…?_ He could see no light under the door, although it was still early in the evening and Yuki should have been awake. _Did he go somewhere…?_ Shuichi sat down and waited patiently until ten o'clock, but Yuki never showed. After a few more minutes, he decided to go back to Ryuichi's hotel, apologize, and see if the invitation to stay there for the night was still open. _I guess I'll have to make up with Yuki tomorrow…and I should probably go back to work, since I'm not going on vacation. The album comes out next month…I shouldn't be playing around anyway._

At the hotel, the man at the front counter stopped him, as anyone other than guests and their company were not allowed. It was a different guy than before, as the shift had probably ended some time ago. "Can I help you, sir?"

"Uh…I'm just here to see a friend. Sakuma-san, suit 13."

"Ah, yes, Sakuma-san. I'm afraid he left some time ago. Rather strange, he didn't even stay one night. He must have just been catching some sleep in-between flights, yes? I'm sorry you missed him. If you like, I-"

But Shuichi was already gone. _No, no…_ "Take me to the airport, please!" _Not again…don't leave, Ryuichi!_ But by the end of the ride, he had decided that he had no right to ask the brunet to stay. After all, he had come all the way to Japan because Shuichi skipped out on him and how he had yelled at him. _Except for Hiro, Ryuichi probably understands me better than anyone…I just want…to say good bye. And that…I'm sorry._

He tried to work his charms on the girl at the counter. "Hi. I'm Shuichi Shindou, the lead singer of Bad Luck."

She quirked a brow. "Really…?"

"Yup. Have you heard our new single? The album comes out soon. I uh…wanted to ask if you could look up a passenger for me…"

"I'm afraid not…"

Shuichi pouted. "Please? I'll give you an autograph…" But she didn't look interested. "A kiss? Anything!"

"I told you, I can't do that."

"Please!" Rivers streamed down his face. "I just wanna tell him I'm sorry but he was already checked out of the hotel and my phone is in my boyfriend's apartment so I can't call him and apologize but I don't want him to hate me because he's my God!"

She blinked, taking it all in. "So…you're gay?"

"Mmhmm." He nodded and sniffled.

She could just imagine him getting it on with some other hot boy while his boyfriend waited at home…and it almost made her dool. "Well…okay. I'll help you. What's his name?"

"Ryuichi Sakuma." _Yes!_

She gaped. _Sakuma-sama from Nittle Grasper?! That's the guy you're cheating on your boyfriend with?! Oh my God…_ It was a nose bleed waiting to happen, so she typed in his name. "…I'm sorry, Shindou-san…his flight left to New York more than an hour ago…"

He hung his head, defeated. "…thank you…"

She wanted to call out to him as he slowly walked away, but ended up saying nothing. "Ah, come to think of it, his sister Maiko was in my graduating class!" _He was a nobody back then…but I remember hearing about Bad Luck on the news…ohmigawd! He's dating Yuki Eiri-sama! And cheating on him with Sakuma-sama?! I have to find her number and call her!_

* * *

Shuichi pulled himself up to Hiro's door, dejected. As soon as the guitarist opened it, already in his PJ pants and shirtless, the blond threw his arms around his friend tightly. "Hiro, it's all my fault! I screwed up again! I think Ryuichi hates me…"

_I don't think that's possible…_ He let Shuichi in and sat him down, making himself some strong coffee, glad that he didn't have any drama of his own since Shuichi seemed to make enough for the both of them. He sighed and plopped down next to him. "Okay…tell me what happened."


End file.
